Trash the Dress!

Ladies, when the "big day" finally comes (and for all of us it will soon enough) here's something you might consider doing: trash your wedding dress.

Here's an excerpt from the website, Trash the Dress, http://trashthedress.wordpress.com/:

"Go ahead, you know you want to. Trash it. Get it dirty. Get it wet. Roll around in the mud. Drench it in the ocean. Totally trash it.

Why? … Why not? You’ve made a commitment to your husband. He’s your one and only true love, right? Then you’ll never need the dress again. And no, your daughter won’t wear it in 20-30 years. So you have two choices:

1) Suffocate it in plastic and throw it in a closet

2) Show your husband how committed you are by trashing the dress, and get some great fun pictures while you do it!

Then after you do it- send the pictures to us to publish for all the world to see. What are you waiting on? Call one of the trusted photographers on this page or find one you trust and go trash the dress!"

***Burning it while you are wearing it might not be the safest option... despite what this picture suggests, do not try this method of trashing your dress at home :)

The Truth About Sex

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)

The Secret Life of SJ

This past weekend, Mr. Neighbor and I went camping. And this past weekend, Mr. Neighbor and I realized that we are falling in love.

And therefore I have a problem: I feel too guilty to continue blogging about us.

A few posts ago, one reader aptly pointed out that the real question I should be asking is, what happens when Mr. Neighbor finds out about the blog?

The truth is, I feel too guilty to ever let that happen. I don't know quite how he would react, but I don't think any man would appreciate knowing his girlfriend anonymously blogs about the details of his relationship on the Internet.

And despite the fact that I mask my true identity, anyone who were to read between the lines could quickly put together the pieces. Which is completely unfair to Mr. Neighbor.

So, what does this mean for No Man Land? To be honest, writing this blog is one of my favorite things in life. So, rather than take a hiatus, I would like to broaden it a little and continue to write about general topics facing those who have at one time or another suffered from LMS, as I did until meeting Mr. Neighbor.

Please feel free to post any topics you are facing that you need feedback on - as the last few posts have shown, sometimes some really great revelations come through group discussion.

So, for now, I'm going to have to keep my life a bit more secret because the last thing I'd want is for No Man Land, the cure to my LMS, to become the reason my relationship disintegrates.

(Heart)String Theory

So, in physics, there is this concept known as "string theory." String theory holds that all matter and energy are connected by tiny vibrating strings. I've always liked this idea, although it has remained to be proven or completely embraced by the scientific community.

If everything is connected by strings, let's just say last night Mr. Neighbor and I added an additional one between us: one called open communication.

As I was sitting at dinner last night complaining to my two best girlfriends that Mr. Neighbor doesn't call me, I got a text message from him asking me if I wanted to stop by on my way home. When I replied that I would, he text back, "I look forward to kissing you." Super cute right?

When I got to his place, Mr. Neighbor was really happy to see me. And as we sat on the couch catching up, I braced myself and brought up the phone call issue. I told him that it was important to me, in a completely nonthreatening and relaxed way, that he call me more often. And thankfully, he agreed without getting defensive or upset.

And you know what, I instantly felt better and closer to him than ever. We've made plans to go camping this weekend. I'm so happy that before we spend the weekend together, I got my concerns off my chest, rather than remaining passive aggressive about the situation.

Ladies in the end, this much I remember from high school physics and mathematics: The shortest distance between point A and point B is a straight line - in other words, be straight with your man. If you're upset about something, just let him know.

Create the open line of communication which will lead to additional strings connecting you together, from his heart to yours.

Phone Lines Down?

Everything with Mr. Neighbor is going great. We see each other 3-4 times a week, he's affectionate, we have fun, blah blah blah.

Here is my issue (since by the tone of this post so far, I'm sure you've all realized there is one): Mr. Neighbor NEVER calls me. He will text, he will e-mail, but he just doesn't call. In fact, there are days where I don't even talk to him. Case in point: Yesterday.

Yesterday was my first day of school... The day started off well enough, since Mr. Neighbor text me, "Have a great first day darling!" We also sent a few emails back and forth during the day, mostly notifying each other about upcoming events.

But as the night approached (and passed) the lines of communication between us apparently went down. My phone didn't ring once. And unfortunately, I wasn't surprised. Mr. Neighbor doesn't like to make small talk on the phone. I know that. But can I live with that?

Now I know, some men just aren't phone people, but honestly, I've never had a boyfriend before that I couldn't count on calling me everyday to at least see how I'm doing.

The question is, when your man doesn't call you, do you call him out on it, or just accept things the way they are?

[I need help with this asap - please post your comments]

Looking Hot (Is the Best Revenge)

So last night I had an inkling that I might run into someone that I had hooked up with a few months ago...

And I decided, hell, even though I have a hot boyfriend, it never hurts to remind an old flame what he is missing.

And so, here is my formula for red hot revenge:

1. Get a tan

2. Wear all white
3. Have a great time with your girls and don't pay him ANY attention

Done. Done. and Done. And ladies, from a distance, I saw him watching me throughout the night, and that felt fantastic. And that was enough.

So next time you run into an old flame, remind him that YOU were the heat in the relationship, and when you left you ONLY got hotter.

Destroy the Silence?

Tonight, laying in bed with Mr. Neighbor, after the steamiest most passionate make out session ever, we lay tangled in each other, his hands cupping my face, our eyes closed, both on such a high.

And I, my mind racing, my heart beating tempestously, managed to destroy the sweet silence by making a statement that included the word "dump." I kid you not.

Rather than enjoying the resulting silence, after sharing such an exhilirating experience, I said the first thing that came to my post-orgasmic braindead state. Dump. Oh my god. I was mortified.

What is it about that level of intimacy that is so hard to embrace? Why could I embrace him physically and yet not emotionally succumb to the moment we were sharing? Why couldn't I just listen to Depeche Mode's wise words and "enjoy the silence" rather than destroying it?

The lyrics, just in case some aren't familiar with this brilliant and highly relevant song:

"Words like violence

Break the silence

Come crashing in

Into my little world

Painful to me

Pierce right through me

Can't you understand

Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only harm"

When Soulships Collide

The night Mr. Neighbor asked me to be his girlfriend, now almost two weeks ago, he compared us to two ships passing in the night... Many of you I´m sure have heard this reference before. And it is true. We could just as easily have missed each other. And yet, we didn´t. We collided. And the impact he has had on my life, in these few short weeks, has been tremendous.

Even here in Mexico, I´ve found myself drawn to my more adventurous inclinations... and all the while I´ve felt Mr. Neighbor´s appreciation of that, even from a distance.

Being away from each other the past week has been a great test. We´ve kept in touch with little updates via email and text. Mr. Neighbor misses me and that is a delicious feeling. I guess the old adage is true, absence does in fact make the heart grow fonder.

Just for culture´s sake, here is the text by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, who first coined the famous phrase - ships passing in the night.

Ships that pass in the night and speak each other in passing;

Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;

So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,

Only a look and a voice; then darkness again and a silence.

-Tales of a Wayside Inn. Part iii. The Theologian’s Tale: Elizabeth. iv.

I´m glad Mr. Neighbor and I found each other and didnt just pass each other by... He may turn out to be just the dock this wandering soulship has been looking for.

hola from mexico...

hello ladies... i´m writing from my hotel in playa del carmen mexico, where i will be relaxing for the rest of the week... please excuse the lack of punctuation, i haven´t quite figured out the keyboards here.

just for your amusement, looks like perez hilton has been stealing images from no man land... does the picture of miss piggy above look familiar? if not, click on this.

Lost (and Found) At Sea With Mr. Neighbor

On Sunday, I was reminded yet again why I love dating Mr. Neighbor so much: he has completely opened me up and made my world bigger and better. After taking a bike ride, we decided to go to the beach for my first surf lesson. Unfortunately, when we got there, there were no waves.

Rather than be dissuaded, Mr. Neighbor quickly came up with a plan B: "Let's kayak!" he proclaimed. And I readily agreed.

You have to understand that for me, agreeing to kayaking on the ocean at a moment's notice is just something that before Mr. Neighbor I just would not do. I am usually the lay on the beach, with SPF 4 slathered on, listening to my ipod, kind of beach person. Not the run in the water and ignore the fact that it is freezing type to jump in a kayak.

But with Mr. Neighbor, I just get inspired to be more adventurous. I love that he brings that out of me.

Sitting in the middle of the ocean in the kayak, with Mr. Neighbor cuddled up behind me, I realized that in that moment, I had everything I needed. Mr. Neighbor, the ocean, the sun, and a cool breeze. He makes me life seem so easy, so fresh, so new. I feel like with him I have lost the old, timid, one toe in the water before jumping in little girl I was, and found this new, spontaneous, dive in head first woman I am instead.

Everyone always asks, if you had to be stranded on a desert island, who would it be with?

I'm starting to realize that Mr. Neighbor would be the perfect choice... He brings a little piece of paradise to my busy city life. Maybe Mr. Neighbor is my island... because I really wouldn't mind being stranded on him ;)

The Ex-Factor

The past few days I've noticed that something has been decidedly missing from my life for the past few months. And Saturday night I remembered what it is: any kind of contact with my ex.

Usually, I could count on bumping into him, or getting an e-mail from him... but I honestly hadn't seen or heard from him since May. Basically, the whole summer passed without any form of communication between us.

For me, this meant a few things: closure, peace of mind, and a new, hot boyfriend.

For him, as I realized Saturday night, this meant one thing: nothing has changed.

Saturday night I bumped into my ex at a party. He was incredibly warm, couldn't take his eyes off me, insisted on getting me a drink, and desperately tried to get out of me what I feared he already knew: that I was seeing someone new.

It was a completely surreal experience. There is such a gap between how we feel - I am so content with us being apart and he still has so many lingering emotions. I didn't know what to say or do... which leads me to my question:

What's the appropriate way to handle an ex-counter?

Nessuna Vacanza

Yesterday was my last day of work at the law firm I've been working for this summer.... And coincidentally, it was the new attorney's first day. Young, handsome enough, and wearing a really nice Hugo Boss suit, he peaked my attention, but being that I'm lost in boyfriendland, I didn't give him too much thought...

After work, we all went out for drinks to celebrate my last day, and he and I, let's call him Attorney Italiano got into a pretty lengthy conversation. Turns out we have a lot in common - a love of music, literature and the arts, not to mention the law, and Italy.

Last night, when I was with the boyfriend, I get the following e-mail, with the subject line "Ciao Cara" from il Attorney Italiano:

"I really enjoyed meeting and speaking with you today. And despite the inherent awkwardness and brevity of this e-mail, I would really like to take you out at least once before you to go Mexico. Let me know what you think."

And of course I've declined, because that is the right and only thing to do.... but, my question is:

When you're in a relationship, how do you give off the vibe to other men that clearly says no vacancy? Did I somehow inadvertently send out the message that I am open for business?