Are Relationships Disposable?

Shanna Moakler and her Divorce Party Cake

If you live in Florida, getting out of your marriage just got one step (or should I say leap?) easier: you can file for divorce online.

That's right, enter your name, some details, and poof the divorce process is commenced and your marriage is on the way out like the coat from three seasons ago you decided to sell on ebay.

Why offer this type of service? Broward county court clerk Kris Mazzeo says, "the new service will save residents hours of hassle."

But the question is, shouldn't getting a divorce be a hassle? Shouldn't ending a lifetime commitment be difficult? If you can end your relationship with barely a click of a mouse, perhaps marriage is truly something that has become disposable.

The picture above seems to tell it all - upon filing for her quickie divorce, Shanna Moakler threw herself a divorce party, complete with a cake! If divorce is something to celebrate, what does that say about our culture's understanding of the sanctity of marriage?

Perhaps it is our failure to honor the sanctity of marriage that has led to the scarcity of a successful one?


For more information about filing for divorce online in Broward county,
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-flbclerk1112nbnov12,0,3701326.story

I Wanna Get Married?

Driving to school this morning, I was listening to a CD my girlfriend made for me a few years ago, which includes the track "I Wanna Get Married" by Nellie McKay. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Nellie McKay, she is a singer-songwriter from England who used to be a standup comedian. Her music is incredibly eclectic, a mix of Jazz, rap, blues and rock, and her lyrics are very unique.

"I Wanna Get Married" is a lush, slow ballad that sounds like it comes from a different era than the one we are in. It is enchanting. Listening to it I find myself mesmerized. And mesmerized, I find myself singing along, agreeing with the lyrics of the song. (see lyrics below)

And just like that, it brainwashed me! The song, an ode to marriage, is meant to be completely sarcastic. If you listen to any of Nellie McKay's other songs, you know that the last thing she is interested in is being housewife.

And me, independent, educated me, should have laughed at the song, instead of being mesmerized by it.

That being said, why is the classic marriage model at times so intoxicating? We've been taught, as modern women, to find it antiquated and limiting, and yet, listening to this song, it really didn't sound so bad... in fact, it was a life I could easily envision for myself. Nonetheless, part of me felt really guilty for even contemplating wanting the kind of life the song describes. I want to have a career, I want to have the kind of life our feminist predecessors fought for - one where I am an equal to my husband, rather than his domestic servant.

When we have every opportunity to evolve, why are our fantasy marriages at times stuck in the 1950's? Is it possible that aspects of the old marriage model are better than the new one, where we are expected to work work work while raising the kids and building a home?

"I Wanna Get Married" by Nellie McKay

I wanna get married

Yes, I need a spouse

I want a nice

Leave it to Beaverish

Golden retriever and a little white house

I wanna get married

I need to cook meals
I wanna pack you cute little lunches

For my Brady bunches

Then read Danielle Steele

I wanna escape

This rat race I've created

I'm feelin' enervated

I don't care if I make it

I just want to bake a sugar cake for you

To take to work in the morn

And I'll stay home cleaning the dishes

And keeping your wishes all warm
I wanna get married

That's why I was born

I wanna partake in bake sales for the classroom

I wanna hear the sweet tune

Of Sally's little vroom-vroom

As she zooms around my broom

As I exhume the gloom

Of my shallow life

I wanna be simple and honest and dimpled 'cause I am your wife

I will never tarry

I'm not even torn

I wanna get married

That's why I was born

The Grass Is Always Greener? (Or is it?)

Today I was chatting online with a male friend of mine, let's call him Joe. I had seen him chatting up some ladies, and I asked him if anything came out of it... Here is some of our convo:

SexyJelly: you can't assume they aren't interested, you just have to feel it out

Joe: yeah, the question is how interested am i

SexyJelly: true

SexyJelly: of course

Joe: i have set a high bar, and maybe its too high, i have to adjust, cuz i let totaly good girls go by

SexyJelly: you are allowed to have high standards

SexyJelly: you should
Joe: but are they realistic?

Joe: i mean if no one seems to be meeting them is that good too?

This conversation seems to indicate a truth that sometimes evades us: we are in fact on a level playing field with the opposite sex. Although I always think, there are so many good girls, there are no good boys, the boys oftentimes espouse the same sentiment.

Tracy Chapman said it best when she asked in her song entitled "Why",

"Why when there's so many of us are there people still alone?" And this chat goes towards at least one answer to that very complex question: unreasonable expectations.

So the question is, if we are all plagued with the same fears and unreasonable expectations, why is it so hard for us to put them aside and make meaningful connections with the opposite sex?

If the grass isn't in fact greener, maybe it is time for us to put down our (de)fenses?