Easy Come.... Not So Easy Go?

For about 10,220 days of your life (right about 28 years) you lived without him.

And then you met him. Seemingly out of nowhere, and with no effort.

This is where everything changes. Your life goes from being a "you-centric" life, to being a "him-centric" life. Your mind races, consumed with thoughts of him 24 hours a day, and you wonder, "What in the world did I fill my days thinking about before he existed?"

After consuming every thought, hope, dream and orgasm for about 150 days or so, he disappears, and this time, it feels like he is gone for good. Unfortunately for you, every thought, hope, dream and now solo orgasm still revolves around him. The only difference? Now you're alone and miserable.

When something comes into your life that you lived without for over 10,000 days, who is it so hard to recalibrate once it is gone?

Is the status quo in a post him world ever going to resemble the pre-him era? Can the sun still shine if he's away?

True Love... ?

"'What' and ‘if’ two words as non threatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'..."

"I don't know how your story ended.But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then it why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart..."

"I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like... a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for... but I'd like to believe if I ever felt it. I'd have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn't, I hope one day that you will."

Letters to Juliet... a love story flick with Amanda Seyfried, who plays Sophie. Sophie goes to Verona with her fiance for a "pre-honeymoon" before their wedding. Sweet, right? Well, they spend days apart from each other, and the romantic writer that she is, she stumbles upon a letter in front of Juliet's house that never got answered- a wall where people would stick their letters for answers to love. First of all - where the hell is that wall in Los Angeles and why don't we have one here!? Second - if it were only that easy, write a letter and get an answer. Oy! I wish!

Anyway, Sophie writes a letter back to Claire who's letter was unanswered for 50 years! Yes, 50! I, know totally unrealistic. But long story short... Sophie, unhappy in her relationship, falls in love with Claire's grandson who she meets when she is on her miserable "pre-honeymoon" trip and following Claire around Italy to find her long lost love from 50 years ago. As I sat there in tears over the love stories (both Sophie's and Claire's), yes tears, I wondered... does this happen!? I mean, really.

Does love like this happen - where you fall in love with someone when you are 20 and then go back to them when you are 70 and still feel the same?

Do you get a chance to meet a charming man when you are in an unhappy relationship? I thought you have to be open and positive and single and trying. Somehow the "rules" of dating and love stories never match up!

And what about those 'what if' men. What if it would have worked out, what if you tried harder? What if you told him how you really felt? What if.... even if one has the courage to pursue what they think is love, is it really love?

What is true love?

And why haven't I met someone who makes me feel like I know what it is!?

Hindsight is 20/20

One thing is for sure: regardless of how uncertain or random the future may seem, once something happens, a quick glance in your rearview mirror reveals that everything was in fact certain, you just didn't know it.

The other night I watched a crazy french film, Irreversible. The film starts with its last scene, a brutal murder, then works its way scene by scene back to the beginning. Along the way, you realize there were a million signs along the way that were completely overlooked which lead to the murder.

I haven't been able to get the movie out of my head. It is easy to connect the dots in retrospect, not so easy to pay attention to the warning signs as you move along. There are, however, those signs that we see and blatantly ignore, leading us towards impending doom.

So I say, use your rearview mirror and learn what you can. Look back and see what you could have done differently and apply these changes to your life. Who knows, you may actually be able to avoid a future crisis. This goes for everything from personal habits to personal relationships. Put down the phone when you are texting (because you can remember the time you "almost" hit a pedestrian because you were checking facebook) and walk away from the guy who says he doesn't want a girlfriend (because time has taught you that in fact, men who say that are generally telling the truth).

Because remember, if hindsight is the only time you can see things 100% clearly, you might as well use the past to your advantage. Who knows, maybe you'll end up effecting your destiny.

Apparently, Nothing is Obvious

A few years back, a girl friend of mine told me to make 'the list' and be detailed, she instructed! So I made a long list of everything I wanted to my ideal man. After meeting the "prototype" I realized I forgot one thing: a man who wants to be with me. Ooops! I thought that was obvious... It's like asking to go to Pizza Hut but forgetting to ask to go during business hours. I guess nothing is obvious and the universe is simply oblivious.

So tonight marks the night that I have officially revised my list. I have added "a man who wants to be in a committed relationship... and with me."

Case in Point: There is no Point

People do things.

People do things... you don't know why.

People do things... you don't know why... they don't know why.

People do things... you don't know why... they don't know why... and they don't know why they are doing things.

People do things... you don't know why... they don't know why... they don't know why they are doing things... and it makes you feel like you don't know what to do in response.

People do things... you don't know why... they don't know why... they don't know why they are doing things... and it makes you feel like you don't know what to do in response... you do things in response just to do them.

People do things... you don't know why... they don't know why... they don't know why they are doing things... and it makes you feel like you don't know what to do in response... you do things in response just to do them... then people don't know why you do things.

It's a full circle.

There is not point to anything.

It's just a flow of randomness.

That's the point. There is no point.

Woo Hoo................

In a recent article titled, "Lover's Leap" (http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Beck-Lovers-Leap), Beck suggests that we leap into love and say woo hoo, despite the fact that we are terrified of intimacy. She writes:

Good Idea #2: Go "Woo-hoo"

Author Melody Beattie took up skydiving and was scared senseless. Another diver told her, "When you get to the door and jump, say 'Woo-hoo!' You can't have a bad time if you do."

This phrase works as well when you're falling emotionally as when you're falling physically. When fear hits, when you want to grasp or hide, shout "Woo-hoo!" instead. While there is never—not ever—a sure foundation beneath our feet, the willingness to celebrate what we really feel can turn falling into flying. You don't need an airplane to practice woo-hoo skills. For instance: I'm writing these words at 2:15 in the morning because writing, like other intimate pursuits, often occurs at night. As I type each word, I come to care about how it will be read—about you, there, reading it. Caring is scaring. It makes me want to stop right now, or spend years composing something flawlessly literate. Unfortunately, my deadline was yesterday, and Shakespeare I ain't, so...woo-hoo!

When I started this blog with Jelly over two years ago, we were both single and were exploring ways in which we can be more open, find good men, etc. Jelly got married and I am still single. Tomorrow I turn 28 years old.

A few years ago I thought I would be terrified of being close to 30. Surprisingly, however, I could careless about the age. I feel better than ever! After all the years I goofed around, struggled, worked my ass off, dated my ass off, and kept trying to push and push to make things happen for myself I can finally say woo hoo. I am so happy to be independent, to have a savings account, to be living close to my best friends, to have a family who loves me, to have dated many different personalities and sit here today certain of what kind of man I want, to be healthy, in shape, happy and employed by myself. I created all this for myself and I am thankful.

Woo hoo.

This week I will celebrate all of this. I have come a long way between 20 and 28. May this year bring me the one piece of the pie I am finally ready for: intimacy. Yes, I am definitely one of those people who says I am not terrified, but I am and have been. I have distracted myself with bullshit over the past few years and learned. But I finally feel ready to love and be loved by a great man. And when he comes, I will say woo hoo and make the leap.

Woo hoo for birthdays.

Woo hoo for looking back and feeling good about what you've accomplished.

Woo hoo for great friends, the best any girl can ask for - I love you Jelly;)

Woo hoo for exploration.

Woo hoo for cake, presents and birthday fun

Woo hoo for love

Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can We Date?

You are the Prototype

I hope that you're the one

If not, you are the prototype

If we happen to part

Lord knows I don't want that

But hey, we can't be mad at God

We met today for a reason

I think I'm on the right track now

-Andre 3000

I've always loved the lyrics of this song... it's amazing how liberating it is to meet someone that makes you feel like the kind of man you've dreamt of forever actually does exist!!!

I hope that MM (introduced in my last post about timelines) is the one... but if not, he's most definitely the prototype. Meeting someone that is the prototype life partner really makes you feel like you're on the right track.

God bless you Andre. So well said!

Bullshit Your Boyfriend Says

"I think we should get a pitbull. They like to eat babies."

We've all been there at some point. You're having a perfectly lovely evening with your significant other when all of a sudden, he starts saying random, completely nonsensical bullshit. At first, you wonder, what the eff am I doing with this psycho? You cry, you fight, and then finally one day much later, you figure it out:

He bullshits when he is scared.

Ladies, welcome to the subspecies of the English language: Bullshit.

Whether it is coming from your boyfriend, a friend, a parent, sibling or co-worker, there are times when the person across from you loses sight of the old adage, "Say what you mean, and mean what you say."

Luckily, if you can stay calm, you can develop a bullshit decoder.

"I like pitbulls. They like to eat babies" translates to "I'm really not ready to start a family and when you talk about babies it freaks me out."

Bullshit decoders must be developed, and sadly cannot be bought. So, when bullshit rears its ugly head, take a breathe, wait, and be compassionate. Somewhere beneath the bullshit there is emotion that needs tending to.