Where Does the Good Go?

Tegan and Sara Lyrics
Where Does The Good Go? Lyrics

Sorry Seems to Be the Easiest Word...

Remember the song by Elton John... Sorry Seems to be Hardest Word. Well in the past 3 weeks, to be exact, sorry seems to be the easiest and most repetitive word.

It all started with an email from an x-boyfriend... a long email apologizing for all the f-cked up treatment I was given in our relationship... that was 7, almost 8 years ago! He said he was trying to rid himself of negative energy and wants to be my friend and is embarrassed that he is finally now maturing at such a late age and feels so bad for everything he did and bla bla bla bla. Wait, why do I care 7 YEARS LATER?

Then a few weeks later, another x contacted me, this time by phone. Although he didn't call directly to apologize for anything, our long over an hour conversation turned into an analysis of our relationship and how he wishes things would have worked out differently. It was actually great to speak to this most recent x, but nonetheless it got me thinking about why on earth my xes are contacting me and putting closure on chapters of my life that, for me, were already closed.

Or where they? Should I be weirded it out? Happy that I was an important enough person in their life for them to contact me? Worried that the universe is trying to send me a message that I am not picking up on? As the confusing emotions started rushing through my mind and body... the next morning after talking to my most recent x, I awake to a text message from my very first boyfriend: "Call me when you wake up."

Ring, ring...

So the first thing he says is, "I had a dream about you last night and it was so vivid. I wanted to share it with you." As he starts describing the awkward dream, which includes sexual activity... he stops in the middle and says the point is "it got me thinking about why I had this dream and I wanted to tell you that I have some unresolved emotions about our relationship [which was 10 years ago!], do you have any unresolved emotions?" No, I answer. He continues to explain to me that he wanted to apologize for the way he treated me in our relationship and that I deserved better and that he could have done things differently. I cut him off right away to say that I don't even remember and that there is no need to apologize and then he cuts me off and continues to say, "please allow me to express myself these are my feelings regardless of how you feel about the past. I need to tell you to clear it out my head."

Okay so, given that I have only had four relationships in my life so far... 3 out of 4 people have contacted me in the past 3 weeks... It seems to me that sorry only seems to be the hardest word when it means the most.

Is it possible that this NOT a coincidence? That this means something more?

Putting Out Pays Out?

You all remember "that girl" in high school. The town bicycle. The modern miracle that is the girl who cares less about what all the other girls think, and proceeds to get it on with whomever she pleases, often times putting herself, to put it very mildly, in several compromising positions.

I'm sure we've all wondered from time to time, what happened to "that girl"? Did she:

a) end up contracting some horrible STD (or several) like everyone always suggested she would

b) decide to repent for her years as a harlot by becoming a nun, or

c) marry young, rich, and fabulous.

Despite all temptation to choose answer (a), take a look around you and try to see where that girl ended up. 9 times out of 10, the answer is (c).

How is it that the girls with the worst reputations often end up marrying really well with apparently no problem while so many of us, who careful trodded the straight and narrow, are still single?

Does the guy:

a) not know about her past

b) not care about her past, or

c) like the idea of being the one that tamed the shrew?

I have to say, that with the way people talk, I think option (a) is out of the question. That leaves us (b) and (c). And I'm leaning towards (c). It takes a very special man to disregard the kinds of rumors I'm talking about and make a woman his wife. Which leaves (c). He chose her, because she was the town bicycle.

It still remains a mystery to me why these guys tend to be so "on paper" desirable...

If putting out pays out, perhaps "us girls" should give "that girl" a break?

Relationship Tofu

I wish I could take credit for this concept, but sadly someone from Gawker.com beat me to it...

The post is about Deanna Pappas, this season's Bachelorette on ABC. She is down to choosing between two men:

"Pappas explained the difficult-to-grasp concept of having to choose between "two totally different people. You got one guy on one hand, and another guy on another hand, and I'm two totally different people with each guy." This suggests that Pappas is the relationship equivalent of tofu, her spongy personality absorbing the flavors of any man with which she comes in contact."

And so was born the concept of being "human tofu." We've all experienced how being with different partners can bring out different qualities in us... but, there is a great danger in allowing each man you are with to define who you are, what you want, and how you live.

I think that "human tofu syndrome" afflicts those who lack a strong sense of identity. Just like unflavored tofu, until you dig deep and decide who you are, you might think you are pretty bland and malleable. The truth is - we all have preferences. We are all distinctive people. And at the end of the day, you should be the one choosing what flavor you want to be - rather than merely absorbing the qualities and preferences of the one you happen to be with.

Because we all know, unlike real tofu, which I'm certain revels in its endless potential as the chameleon of the food world, being relationship tofu can be draining and lead to a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

No Man Land Rule: Flavor yourself (before someone else does)

What Tree Are We?

The BF and I were having a long discussion this past weekend, on our way down to San Diego, about basically everything under the sun.
One question that came up: What tree are you?
So, we selected trees for each other.

I said he is a Blue Fir:

And he said that I'm a Japanese Maple:

Match made in Tree Heaven.