Pizza & A Blind Date

So last night I went on my blind date with a 35 year old ER doctor. Most people would be like, "Oooooohh a doctor - great catch." First of all, my days of being open to anything and everything in men are OVER. Why am I giving doctors a chance - I don't like them! I should stop wasting my time.

So I arrive at Terroni and walk up, immediately recognizing him because he was starring at me with the face of a man who was hoping he was lucky enough to have his blind date be the gorgeous girl walking towards him (yes, me!)

Anyway, we walk in and he immediately says "Vow it's so happaning for a Tuesday night, no?" "You picked such a great place." (No there were no typos in the the last sentence, he was a strange FOB - he didn't have the typical FOB pronunciations. He said happaning, wildernass (instead of wilderness), and and 'ehm' instead of 'uhm' a couple times in each sentence.

So after he acknowledged the great pick on my part, he went on to talk about himself non-stop for the first 40 minutes of the date. It was one "one time in band camp" story after another. He told me about why he likes Amrmani Exhange wallets, stories of how he is clumsy and loses things all the time, literally I didn't even have a moment to say 'oh cool' or anything like. In fact I was looking around the restaurant and showed complete disinterest hoping he would shut the eff up, but my blatant lack of interest didn't seem to bother him, he kept going strong... talk talk talk talk talk!

After that he paused for a moment and started to explain why he was holding an envelope in his hand (which I was curious about but was scared to ask). He just got a lot of 'ehm' cash and didn't want to 'ehm' leave it in the car because of valet. So he asked if I would 'ehm' put it in my purse. And then went on to explain that if my purse were to get stolen tonight, he wouldn't hold me 'ehm' liable for the lost cash. (EFFEN WIERDO)

So anyway, he continues to talk. And I quickly say, excuse me I am going to go to the bathroom. I take my purse. And then I start thinking... dude what if I stole some of his cash (not that I would, but what if I was the type of girl who would do that? he is stupid for putting that much cash in my purse. It was a THICK envelope). Anyway starvation starts to kick in and after a 5min wait to get into the bathroom. I quickly call my mom, "Do we have dinner at home?" She says no. I tell her about my horrible date and how I don't know how to get out of it. She suggested calling me in 15 min to pretend that I have an emergency and have to go home.

I get back to the table and he says, I hope you are hungry. I ordered a few appetizers. Meanwhile the waitress had put down a bread basket and then they bring the food... he says do you want the bread (holding it up to have the waitress take it away to make room on the table) "I don't eat bread," he says. I start to think in my head, GREAT he is one of those fuckin pussy guys that doesn't eat this and that and I could probably out eat him in 5 minutes!

Anyway, as we start to munch a little on the appetizers, I say... what time is it - holding my hand up - indicating no watch. He says, 9:30pm, what time do you have to leave. I tell him that my grandfather is in the hospital and my dad and uncle transported him to cedar sinai tonight from mission viejo hospital (all true) and that I told him my dad I would pick him up on my way home at 10pm. Giving him 25 min to wrap shit up and eat his stupid fuckin appetizers so I could leave. Meanwhile, I am scheming in my head how I am going to feed myself real food tonight. No food at home. By the time 10 rolls around if I order something from somewhere it will take another 15-20 min. Too long of a wait. I'm hungry! And aged cured beef is not going to fill me up. So I take out my phone and say, "Oh my dad said he wants me to pick up food for him." i am going to order a pizza to go. So the waiter comes around and I say margharita pizza to go please on a different check please. And he laughs (the blind date, not the waiter) and says, you ordered a margarita to go? My eyes widen in shock. "NO. That is what they call cheese pizza in Italian restaurants.[where have you been for the past 35 years of your life]"

Pizza comes. He pays the other bill. And my car arrives from valet and I am finally freeeeeee!!!!! I turn up my music and stuff my face with yummy pizza...