The Case of the Lost Dildo

Sunday morning I woke up to find that my dildo/vibrator which usually sleeps right under my pillow was gone! Where could it be?

I searched all around the bed, underneath, in the bathroom, the drawers, behind a shelf and cabinet... no where to be found. This rather large toy, which I now desperately miss, is lost. So I started thinking and worrying.... did someone find it? It hit me! The housekeeper was here recently and she made my bed and cleaned my room. It had to be her! I started to imagine what could have happened... and I thought of only three possible scenarios:

Scenario #1

Housekeeper finds the dildo, looks at it, doesn't know what it is and puts it somewhere in the house thinking it doesn't belong in the bed. [Since I live with the family, this scenario could definitely be an awkward one!]

Scenario #2

Housekeeper finds the dildo, knows exactly what it is, whispers in Spanish: Lord forgive her and trashes it.

Scenario #3

Housekeeper finds the dildo, looks at it, doesn't know what it is so she asks someone who was home (possibly mom or dad) and somehow it gets trashed.

Whatever the situation may be... the sad part is... I had developed a relationship with it and it was $50!

Ain't no sunshine... Or is There?

But ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,

And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

Can we actually produce a similar feeling to that of the sun shining down on you, warming you up? Can darkness be felt in our absence? Or this is just a sappy song written for sappy romantics?

In the movie Juno, when she sees the soon to be parents of her soon to be born baby get into a fight and decide to divorce... she starts to question relationships. Is there hope for a long lasting relationship? True love that never dies? Her dad advises her that there ain't no guarantees in life... but that she should find someone who loves her for who she is: the good, bad & the ugly... it would be best to be with someone who thinks that the sun shines out of your ass no matter what. Does the sun shine out our ass?

Apparently, it does. But only for a special few who see it. Recently, I've been doing some digging. I've been digging deep trying to find what love is for me. Why I feel comfortable with some guys and not with others. Is what I think I want out of a guy also parallel to what I need? Then I stumbled across a very unique thought that I had never had before: I need to be with a guy who has the sun shining out of his ass, no matter what he does. For some illogical reason, I put some guys on a pedestal and think they are as special as any one person can be. This I have come to realize is one ingredient of a loving relationship. After discussing with Jelly, I learned she thinks her fiance is definitely the sunshine in her life and she is for him. So, I suppose we can create sunshine. We can lighten up the world for other people... but I guess you could say some people just have too much SPF on to feel your sunlight. It's about finding the right one for you.

"Stepping it Up": A Tribute to Amazing People

Step up to the plate and be a man. God knows how old this saying is, but whoever came up with it knew a little about life...

Lately, I have this urge to step up to the plate, step up to the challenges that life brings, to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better business woman, and live a better life than I lived just a moment ago. Sometimes, in life we are lucky enough to have a certain someone make us feel this urge... Jelly and her man have this special kind of relationship. Last weekend Jelly's man proposed! Yes, ladies... she finally found the cure to LMS. No more LMS for Sexy Jelly - Jelly is officially engaged!

From the very beginning their relationship represented the exact feeling I described above. Jelly had an urge to become a better person because of him... as they grew together, their love grew, and you could say they both grew from guy & girl to man & woman, soon to be husband & wife. Jelly made a man out of her man. He sure stepped up to the plate -- proposing without a bit of the common pressure girls put on their guys; deciding for himself that Jelly is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Jelly, the delightful woman she has become over the past 2 years, was honored and this engagement has been so special: a true representation of how wonderful life could be with someone who knows how to step up to the plate, who knows how to recognize amazingness in their significant other, who knows how to be an amazing person. Don't ever undervalue this kind of quality in anyone... people who can step up to the plate are the people who make a difference in people's lives, a little difference in the world and make life better for themselves and for those around them.

I am so proud of Jelly and her fiance for the wonderful people that they are and for the wonderful life they are going to have together. I am so excited to share it with them as they change the world, if not just a little, with their amazingness together. I heart you Jelly!

Congrats on your engagement... all my love, Peanut.

Dating A Banker Anonymous

Apparently ladies, if you live in NY and are dating a banker, there is a support group just for you. Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA for short) allows women to dress up, gather at meetings, drink martini's and commisurate over the fact that their once uber rich boyfriends/fiances/husbands are now, in light of the economic meltdown, not so rich (which apparently upsets the entire relationship, since these women got involved pricely for their partner's spoils...)

Reading about this group, which of course, has a corresponding blog, http://dabagirls.com/, I couldn't help but be proud of our little group here at No Man Land...

Here is the blurb from their blog:

"Are you or someone you love dating a banker? If so, we are here to support you through these difficult times. Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy. Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time - we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to dabagirls@gmail.com. Warning all stories sent will be infused with our own special brand of DABA Girl humor."

I'm not saying that No Man Land is a feminist blog by any means, but, we certainly have evolved well past the DABA girls, that's for certain.

A true relationship is one that weathers the storm - not one that only survives on a beach in Sam Tropez... What the DABA girls really need is a No Man Land lesson or two...

Mr. Perfect on Paper

Career? Check. Good family? Check. Tall? Check. Educated? Check. Rich? Check. Right social circle? Check. Right ethnity? Check. Right religion? Check.

Mr. Right? Wrong.

Everyone has experienced Mr. Perfect on Paper. He's the one that has all the prerequisites, and yet is completely uninspiring, annoying, shallow, or just plain wrong for you. The problem is, the older we get, the more expectations we gather, and therefore eliminate most men that aren't Mr. Perfect on Paper. The problem is - as I've said - Mr. Perfect on Paper is oftentimes Mr. All Wrong.

It is a fine line between knowing your needs, and systematically excluding men because they don't match your list of do's and don'ts. If you are too narrow in your scope, you might just end up on date after date with Mr. Perfects on Paper, never actually finding Mr. Perfect in the Flesh.

Next time you meet someone who isn't Perfect on Paper, give him a chance. You never know, you might surprise yourself and throw your old checklist out.

I Want to Be With You?

We've all been there. You're in a relationship and the guy your with is making things difficult. He isn't being flexible. He isn't changing. He doesn't want to meet your needs - no matter how much you try to get him to. But yet, he says he loves you. And so you stay.

Or, there is the guy who stops calling even though "everything was perfect." The one who failed to say, "All I Want is You" but never gave you a reason.

We all fantasize about the man that says, "you name the terms - all I want is you" but is that really what we want? Maybe we've been lucky, all this time, that he didn't change, that he didn't bend and brake to be what we wanted, because maybe, when the luster wore off, he'd be upset about the man he became for you. Maybe we are actually lucky that things didn't work out - even if we didn't get an explanation - because he really wasn't as great a fit as we thought.

Perhaps the man we want is the one who just fits, without you having to name the terms. The one whose terms meet your terms. The one who seizes the opportunity to grow with you and meet your needs, but fundamentally is your match. The one who doesn't run away because he sees the value in the relationship as much as you do.

Fall in love with the one who you accept - as is. Chances are, he'll be the one to accept who you are - as is. Then the relationship will be on both of your terms.

34 Is the New Sexy

Eva Mendes, Actress, 34

Well ladies, it seems that the good times have yet to come (punn only semi-intended.) According to this study, women bring sexy back at 34...

Women feel they are sexiest at 34

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/HealthSci/Women_feel_they_are_sexiest_at_34/rssarticleshow/3810703.cms
LONDON: Being sexy is often perceived to be a key essence of femininity. And, now a new study has found that women feel most sexy at the age of 34. Researchers have based their findings on a survey of over 1,000 women who were questioned about their sex lives - the majority of respondents said that it was at the age of 34 when they had felt more sexy. The survey also revealed that middle-aged women have half as much sex as they did when they were younger - in fact the researchers found that that on average women aged 45 to 60 have sex 4.5 times a month, compared to 10.4 times a month in their 20s and 30s. However, 56% of the respondents said they enjoyed it now more than they did when they were younger, British newspaper the Daily Telegraph reported. Sex and relationship advisor Dr Catherine Hood said: “Many of us make the assumption that older people have less sex than the young, and this research appears to confirm this. However, it does show that women are still enjoying great sex lives as they get older. “Women’s sexual needs, libido and lifestyle change over time, but there is absolutely no reason why older women can’t enjoy an extremely fulfiling sex life in their middle age and well into their senior years. “The fact that over half of those quizzed said they had better sex now than in their 20s and 30s suggests that these women are more confident and self-assured than they were in their younger days and aren’t afraid of getting what they want.” The research commissioned by moisturiser brand Astral questioned 1,031 women about their sex lives.

What Women Want

In this excerpt from a newspaper in 1928, columnist LUCIEN LELONG, wrote about what women want as gifts for the holidays in 1928...

"I shall not speak about men at this time. Any clever woman knows well what any man wants. But for her critical sisters it is more difficult. I have had no small occasions to observe the ladies, and I find that in most cases they love best the small extravagance of life. Only the unimaginative like the utilitarian gift. A bottle of perfume, a scarf, a jewel, a bag, powder, rouge, a negligee, a flower, anything that is not an actual necessity, but a charming extravagance, is an agreeable gift to almost any woman."

Her wisdom though, as shown in the full article below, is in in how she is able to suggest different gifts for different women. To chose the right gift, you really must know the woman you are buying for... A gift can show you just how well someone knows you, and just how important it is to them to make you happy.

When your man buys you a gift, it is not the extravagance you should note... It is the appropriateness. Find a man who buys a gift that you actually love, and ladies, the greater gift you receive may be the realiziation that you just may have found the right man.

See here for the full article, which I've also posted below (it was too good not to!)http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/oldnews/archives/195?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUUsr

Women Love Luxury Gifts at Christmas
Small Extravagance IsMost Certain to Please,Says Lelong
By LUCIEN LELONG

What are we going to do about Christmas this year?

That question has found lodgment in the minds of most of us. Happiness at this season is a right not to be denied, and I think the shortest route to happiness for all is the right gift for the right person.

This is easy, as simple as sunrise and as inevitable, if you know what the recipient of the gift you buy really wants. I don’t mean extravagant things. Supposing everybody secretly longs for a diamond necklace, a yacht or a castle in Spain. That is not the whole story. Those same people who yearn for these impossible (to most of us) gifts also wish just as sincerely for something that is quite simply within reach.

Small Extravagances Liked

I shall not speak about men at this time. Any clever woman knows well what any man wants. But for her critical sisters it is more difficult. I have had no small occasions to observe the ladies, and I find that in most cases they love best the small extravagance of life. Only the unimaginative like the utilitarian gift. A bottle of perfume, a scarf, a jewel, a bag, powder, rouge, a negligee, a flower, anything that is not an actual necessity, but a charming extravagance, is an agreeable gift to almost any woman.

She may buy any or all of these things for herself, but the gift-giver, a diviner, selects something different, and thereby masters the secret of successful giving. We all yearn for what discretion and practical reasons may prevent us choosing for ourselves.

If you are choosing perfume – and what woman doesn’t like it? – select a scent that is famous and fine. Jewels that are novelties, in reach of most of you, may be chosen for their chic, which is extremely important, as for instance the new metal daytime jewelry, or crystals, or rosequartz. Type and style will depend on the person to receive them.

In selecting scarfs as gifts you will choose between sports scarfs, daytime or evening scarfs, and you will be guided by the interests of the friend for whom you choose a gift.
And bags. A capacious bag which carries a small but useful umbrella for the woman who goes out every day – an evening bag of fine old brocade for the lady who loves the correct things for evening. Choose felt flowers for the sports woman, and fragile flowers for the friend in love. Pajamas are the smartest of gifts for certain ladies, and negligees for others.

Study your friend first and select the gift afterward. This gift research will repay you in happiness for having chosen the right thing at the right time.

It's Harry's Fault After All

A while back, Peanut posted about the purpose of guy friends, see http://lanomanland.blogspot.com/2008/06/purpose-of-guy-friends.html, citing When Harry Met Sally, a movie we often debate about.

Well, it turns out, we debate over that seminal romantic comedy for good reason: romantic comedies are partly to blame for women's unrealistic expectations when it comes to love and relationships. That's right ladies: Rom-Coms are ruining your love life.

Rather than trying to achieve some lonely screenwriter's ideal, get to know yourself and find someone who fulfills your most fundamental needs. The relationship that ensues may be far from perfect, but it will be real, and more than that it will be yours. Yours to improve upon, grow through, and enjoy. If you merely co-opt Hollywood's portrayal of perfect, you'll just end up alone, disillusioned and most importantly, unfulfilled.

No Man Land Rule: Leave the Hollywood ideal for Bennifer and Brangelina: craft your own fantasy relationship

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Rom-coms 'spoil your love life'

For the full article, click here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7784366.stm.

Watching romantic comedies can spoil your love life, a study by a university in Edinburgh has claimed.

Rom-coms have been blamed by relationship experts at Heriot Watt University for promoting unrealistic expectations when it comes to love.

They found fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Notting Hill often fail to communicate with their partner.

Many held the view if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you telling them.

Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory at the university studied 40 top box office hits between 1995 and 2005, and identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic.

The movies included You've Got Mail, Maid In Manhattan, The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping.

The university's Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it. We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds. The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise."

I'm A Goal Digger

Last night my boyfriend and I were joking around that I'm planning on marrying him for his money... i.e. that I'm a gold digger.

His response: "No baby, you are a goal digger."

And you know what, he is absolutely right. I am with him because I dig the fact that my boyfriend, Mr. Neighbor, has goals. Every day, he sets new goals for himself and in due time he always accomplishes them. He does more than just reach for gold: he makes choices that he knows will give him personal fulfillment in addition to financial gain. I strive for the same balance now in my own life, looking beyond the bottom line and finding goals that truly elevate my happiness.

He has shown me that gold is just a distraction - though necessary, not always as fulfilling as one might expect (which is why we've both implemented shopping moratoriums - but that is for another post).

No Man Land Rule: Don't be distracted by pretty shiny things: be a goal digger, not a gold digger.