A long time ago, before the chapters in my life entitled "law school" and now "lawyer," I was a musician. The "musician" chapter lasted from age 4 through roughly age 23. I played the piano, I wrote music, I sang, I collaborated with other musicians, and I was generally a very inspired and creative person. And then it just stopped. All of it. I stopped playing, singing, creating, composing, even listening to music. What I loved most about my life and myself just up and disappeared.
The thing is, when someone asks me, "are you still playing" or "are you still singing" (which many people do, since it was such a big part of my identity) I shrug my shoulders, make a sad face, and explain, "law school ate my soul."
What I wonder is, if it is something I really love and miss, why don't I just do it? And if I don't miss it? Why? I can honestly say that singing and playing the piano were two of my favorite most fulfilling things in life. And now: poof. They are both gone.
There is another interesting correlation though, that should be noted. My most creative moments were when I was single (i.e. from age four through twenty-something)... It has always happened that when I am in a happy relationship I tend to shy away from my musical enterprises. I've essentially been in three back to back relationships during the past four years and during that time, I guess you can say that instead of being in a relationship with music, I was in a relationship with men.
Is it possible that I'm only creative when I'm alone? Is that why most love songs are about love lost? And if so, how can I find away to re-unite with my ex (my music lover) without having to give up my current boyfriend?
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