Mindfulness is used a lot in yoga and is a synonym for living consciously. To live consciously you have to be present at each moment of your life. At first this may seem silly and you may think ,"Yeah I am always present." Although it may feel that you are present physically, mentally and emotionally... you are often not. If you are like me, just an average human being, you will probably notice that you spend a lot of moments thinking about something that you need to do, analyzing something you did, imagining or fantasizing about something you want, numb or just wishing you could be in another moment. But to be mindful means to actually hear your thoughts as they appear, to observe your feelings as they arise, accept each moment as it is and if someone else is talking to listen consciously to the person instead of being engaged in things that my arise within you.
I find that when I get nervous, scared or too excited I am not mindful, rather I am all wrapped up in my feeling and everything that I say or do is just reactionary and not mindful at all. In fact, I often may say or do things that I don't even mean to say or do. And in retrospect, I wonder why on earth I did.
Okay okay... enough with the psychological and spiritual talk. What does this have to do with dating? Well, in the recent months I have been doing a lot of dating... first it was 1-2 dates with a few different people and then one guy for a short month. This morning as I a lay in my bed hungover from my big turkey meal I started to recall a few instances where I was out with the guy I dated for a month and I said things that were, well, not so friendly - mostly ego bashing to be perfectly honest. Why? Why on earth would I be mean to someone I was interested in. As I started to remember the details of that night, I remember feeling nervous, insecure and more importantly I was not in a mindful place at all. I reacted on my nervous and insecure feelings almost the whole night without even knowing it at the time. In retrospect, I wish I had been more mindful... I wish I had observed my insecure feelings and just let them hang out on the side of my night, instead of takeover. It's easy to be mindful when you are in an enclosed quiet space doing yoga with your eyes closed... and much more challenging to be mindful when you have several external activities that are creating negative feelings to rise leaving you weak and vulnerable. I could easily say that this was one of the first times I, as an adult, have been nervous around a guy. Why this person made me nervous calls for a whole nother discussion. But, if it happened to me, I am 100% sure it happens to everyone and what a shame. Then I quickly recalled Bill Nye the Science Guy... on my second date with him, he talked and talked and talked my ear off about himself and it was possibly one of the most draining dates that I have been on. He was probably being overly-obnoxious because he was so nervous. Although I am not quite sure why he was nervous, the point is... if only he were a little more mindful, he would have given me a chance to talk (like he does on the phone or online).
How many dates do we kill by not being mindful? It may have been my first time being super nervous around a guy, but I am sure it is a common problem for a lot of people. The lesson is don't ruin the moment by not being in it.
If I could, I would apologize to my guy... sorry for saying stupid things I didn't mean. I actually did have a lot on my mind that I should have shared, but I guess I was just too nervous and not mindful enough. Since I can only learn now from my mistakes, I am going to be more mindful in each moment in my life... and since I recently had a struggle on date, I am going to start by practicing to be more mindful on my next date. Just show up and be present.
No comments:
Post a Comment