My Timeline or Yours?

Often times when we start dating, it is very difficult to pace yourself to the relationship rhythm of the other person. What's relationship rhythm? Well, I define it as the beat to which someone opens up emotionally, mentally, physically and logistically (the introduction to friends, and day to day life activities). If you open up fast, the other person can get overwhelmed; if you take your time, the other person can feel hesitation or disinterest on your part; if you try too hard to observe the other person's rhythm and mimic theirs, you may come off a bit in-genuine.

Relationship rhythm is a tricky little dance. Every relationship rhythm is based on an individual's own timeline.

When I was younger, I only thought about my timeline, what I wanted, needed and would often pick fights with my boyfriend if things weren't unfolding the way I expected them to. I would make negative meanings about small things because they didn't match my expectations. Three years ago during a breakup I become cognizant of the fact that the guy I was dating was very hurt by my lack of empathy for his position in the relationship... I hadn't given him room to develop emotionally, to pace himself mentally. I was very strict in my ways - you either get on my timeline or get out of my life!

After I developed this awareness about myself I wanted to immediately change. How awful of me to expect another human being to jump on my timeline right when they meet me. They are an equal partner in a relationship and they have their own life history and baggage. Everyone needs time. Intimacy cannot be created on demand. There is a flow. It needs to develop. And so I learned the hard way... through hurt feelings and lots of fights. I promised myself three years ago to not make a guy eat shit just because they aren't meeting me at every benchmark in life.

Recently, I was seeing a marvelous man, let's name him "Marvelous Mogul." He is everything I dreamed of as a little girl and more. I felt a natural sense of connection that, I can easily say, I hadn't felt with anyone so far in my life. MM was simply not in a place to be in a relationship, for his own valid reasons. It's been several weeks we have not talked. Strangely enough, I don't feel offended or hurt. Three or four years ago, I would have questioned him and picked fights about why he's not trying, why he's not calling. Doesn't he like me enough? Doesn't he find me interesting enough? Why can't he just make himself ready for a relationship? Why can't he just step up to it? Why!? Why???

Now, wiser, and more sensical... I acknowledge everyone has their own timeline. Just because it doesn't match mine doesn't make them a bad person. Doesn't mean they don't care about me. Doesn't really mean anything other than the fact that they aren't me and aren't on my timeline.

So now I find myself asking: When it comes time to mesh our lives together and exist as a couple - whose timeline do we follow? My timeline or yours?