You Smell Good (I think?)

The Pill makes women pick bad mates

Ability to sniff out a compatible partner affected by taking contraceptives

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26180187/

Birth control pills could screw up a woman's ability to sniff out a compatible mate, a new study finds.

While several factors can send a woman swooning, including big brains and brawn, body odor can be critical in the final decision, the researchers say. That's because beneath a woman's flowery fragrance or a guy's musk the body sends out aromatic molecules that indicate genetic compatibility.

Major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes are involved in immune response and other functions, and the best mates are those that have different MHC smells than you. The new study reveals, however, that when women are on the pill they prefer guys with matching MHC odors.

MHC genes churn out substances that tell the body whether a cell is a native or an invader. When individuals with different MHC genes mate, their offspring's immune systems can recognize a broader range of foreign cells, making them more fit.

Past studies have suggested couples with dissimilar MHC genes are more satisfied and more likely to be faithful to a mate. And the opposite is also true with matchng-MHC couples showing less satisfaction and more wandering eyes.

"Not only could MHC-similarity in couples lead to fertility problems," said lead researcher Stewart Craig Roberts, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Newcastle in England, "but it could ultimately lead to the breakdown of relationships when women stop using the contraceptive pill, as odor perception plays a significant role in maintaining attraction to partners."

Sexy scents
The study involved about 100 women, aged 18 to 35, who chose which of six male body-odor samples they preferred. They were tested at the start of the study when none of the participants were taking contraceptive pills and three months later after 40 of the women had started taking the pill more than two months prior.

For the non-pill users, results didn't show a significant preference for similar or dissimilar MHC odors. When women started taking birth control, their odor preferences changed. These women were much more likely than non-pill users to prefer MHC-similar odors.

"The results showed that the preferences of women who began using the contraceptive pill shifted towards men with genetically similar odors," Roberts said.

Pregnant state
Based on the work by Claus Wedekind, a University of Lausanne researcher who preformed similar studies in the 1990s, Roberts suggests a likely reason for the pill's effect on a woman's odor preferences. The pill puts a woman's body into a hormonally pregnant state (the reason she doesn’t ovulate), and during that time there would be no reason to seek out a mate.

"When women are pregnant there's no selection pressure, evolutionarily speaking, for having a preference for genetically dissimilar odors," Roberts said. "And if there is any pressure at all it would be towards relatives, who would be more genetically similar, because the relatives would help those individuals rear the baby."

So the pill puts a woman's body into a post-mating state, even though she might be still in the game.

”The pill is in effect mirroring a natural shift but at an inappropriate time,” Roberts told LiveScience.

The results are detailed in the current issue of the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences.

© 2008 LiveScience.com. All rights reserved.

Just Ask

Ok ladies, never fear. This is not going to be a "Secret" inspired diatribe about how if you just ask for something in your heart from the universe you will receive it.

No way, no how - that boat sailed a long time ago, with Oprah at it's helm. And as you all know, this blog is devoted to new ideas, not mass marketed ones.

What I'm talking about is literally asking, for things, you want, from people (particularly men).

Today I was at Best Buy, contemplating exactly why an iPod cover costs $30. Upon walking up to the register to pay (that is, after realizing I had no time to bargain hunt elsewhere, as my flight leaves to Asia tonight and I need the damn cover) I merely stated to the guy at the register (with a smile of course) your iPod covers are too expensive. And just like that, he gave me 10% off.

And I didn't even really ask. Imagine the possibilities if I had?

Whether you are in need of an upgrade, a better table, a discount, suggestions, etc. I've come to realize, that sometimes, all you have to do is ask. More often than not, people are more than happy to comply.

I think the same is true in relationships. If your significant other isn't fulfilling your needs - rather than being passive aggressive, ask for what you want. The moral in all this, is that at the end of the day, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

“Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.”

-Jules Renard

Pizza & A Blind Date

So last night I went on my blind date with a 35 year old ER doctor. Most people would be like, "Oooooohh a doctor - great catch." First of all, my days of being open to anything and everything in men are OVER. Why am I giving doctors a chance - I don't like them! I should stop wasting my time.

So I arrive at Terroni and walk up, immediately recognizing him because he was starring at me with the face of a man who was hoping he was lucky enough to have his blind date be the gorgeous girl walking towards him (yes, me!)

Anyway, we walk in and he immediately says "Vow it's so happaning for a Tuesday night, no?" "You picked such a great place." (No there were no typos in the the last sentence, he was a strange FOB - he didn't have the typical FOB pronunciations. He said happaning, wildernass (instead of wilderness), and and 'ehm' instead of 'uhm' a couple times in each sentence.

So after he acknowledged the great pick on my part, he went on to talk about himself non-stop for the first 40 minutes of the date. It was one "one time in band camp" story after another. He told me about why he likes Amrmani Exhange wallets, stories of how he is clumsy and loses things all the time, literally I didn't even have a moment to say 'oh cool' or anything like. In fact I was looking around the restaurant and showed complete disinterest hoping he would shut the eff up, but my blatant lack of interest didn't seem to bother him, he kept going strong... talk talk talk talk talk!

After that he paused for a moment and started to explain why he was holding an envelope in his hand (which I was curious about but was scared to ask). He just got a lot of 'ehm' cash and didn't want to 'ehm' leave it in the car because of valet. So he asked if I would 'ehm' put it in my purse. And then went on to explain that if my purse were to get stolen tonight, he wouldn't hold me 'ehm' liable for the lost cash. (EFFEN WIERDO)

So anyway, he continues to talk. And I quickly say, excuse me I am going to go to the bathroom. I take my purse. And then I start thinking... dude what if I stole some of his cash (not that I would, but what if I was the type of girl who would do that? he is stupid for putting that much cash in my purse. It was a THICK envelope). Anyway starvation starts to kick in and after a 5min wait to get into the bathroom. I quickly call my mom, "Do we have dinner at home?" She says no. I tell her about my horrible date and how I don't know how to get out of it. She suggested calling me in 15 min to pretend that I have an emergency and have to go home.

I get back to the table and he says, I hope you are hungry. I ordered a few appetizers. Meanwhile the waitress had put down a bread basket and then they bring the food... he says do you want the bread (holding it up to have the waitress take it away to make room on the table) "I don't eat bread," he says. I start to think in my head, GREAT he is one of those fuckin pussy guys that doesn't eat this and that and I could probably out eat him in 5 minutes!

Anyway, as we start to munch a little on the appetizers, I say... what time is it - holding my hand up - indicating no watch. He says, 9:30pm, what time do you have to leave. I tell him that my grandfather is in the hospital and my dad and uncle transported him to cedar sinai tonight from mission viejo hospital (all true) and that I told him my dad I would pick him up on my way home at 10pm. Giving him 25 min to wrap shit up and eat his stupid fuckin appetizers so I could leave. Meanwhile, I am scheming in my head how I am going to feed myself real food tonight. No food at home. By the time 10 rolls around if I order something from somewhere it will take another 15-20 min. Too long of a wait. I'm hungry! And aged cured beef is not going to fill me up. So I take out my phone and say, "Oh my dad said he wants me to pick up food for him." i am going to order a pizza to go. So the waiter comes around and I say margharita pizza to go please on a different check please. And he laughs (the blind date, not the waiter) and says, you ordered a margarita to go? My eyes widen in shock. "NO. That is what they call cheese pizza in Italian restaurants.[where have you been for the past 35 years of your life]"

Pizza comes. He pays the other bill. And my car arrives from valet and I am finally freeeeeee!!!!! I turn up my music and stuff my face with yummy pizza...

Can you become virtually invisible to men by being too open?

Since the inception of No Man Land... Jelly and I have learned that being open is not only the key to meeting new people but also the solution to creating positive change in our lives.

The past few months I have been so open and made so many new friends - both girls and guys, but mostly guys. I actively seek out ways to be more open-minded to new ideas, activities and people. This has all been great and somewhat liberating.

But...Where has this gotten me? I have lots of people to talk to, hang out with, and have connected with people that I would previously have never given the time of day to. But sometimes I end up feeling invisible. I am giving so much energy to being open and the people on the opposite end make me feel invisible. Lately, no on asks about me... tries to get to know me better... or acknowledges all that I do for them. All of a sudden I feel like I'm just the nice girl... maybe I don't have enough game or mystery anymore? Can being too open take away some of the chase and make you virtually invisible?

Quote to Remember

"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can."

Margo Kaufman

Where Does the Good Go?

Tegan and Sara Lyrics
Where Does The Good Go? Lyrics

Sorry Seems to Be the Easiest Word...

Remember the song by Elton John... Sorry Seems to be Hardest Word. Well in the past 3 weeks, to be exact, sorry seems to be the easiest and most repetitive word.

It all started with an email from an x-boyfriend... a long email apologizing for all the f-cked up treatment I was given in our relationship... that was 7, almost 8 years ago! He said he was trying to rid himself of negative energy and wants to be my friend and is embarrassed that he is finally now maturing at such a late age and feels so bad for everything he did and bla bla bla bla. Wait, why do I care 7 YEARS LATER?

Then a few weeks later, another x contacted me, this time by phone. Although he didn't call directly to apologize for anything, our long over an hour conversation turned into an analysis of our relationship and how he wishes things would have worked out differently. It was actually great to speak to this most recent x, but nonetheless it got me thinking about why on earth my xes are contacting me and putting closure on chapters of my life that, for me, were already closed.

Or where they? Should I be weirded it out? Happy that I was an important enough person in their life for them to contact me? Worried that the universe is trying to send me a message that I am not picking up on? As the confusing emotions started rushing through my mind and body... the next morning after talking to my most recent x, I awake to a text message from my very first boyfriend: "Call me when you wake up."

Ring, ring...

So the first thing he says is, "I had a dream about you last night and it was so vivid. I wanted to share it with you." As he starts describing the awkward dream, which includes sexual activity... he stops in the middle and says the point is "it got me thinking about why I had this dream and I wanted to tell you that I have some unresolved emotions about our relationship [which was 10 years ago!], do you have any unresolved emotions?" No, I answer. He continues to explain to me that he wanted to apologize for the way he treated me in our relationship and that I deserved better and that he could have done things differently. I cut him off right away to say that I don't even remember and that there is no need to apologize and then he cuts me off and continues to say, "please allow me to express myself these are my feelings regardless of how you feel about the past. I need to tell you to clear it out my head."

Okay so, given that I have only had four relationships in my life so far... 3 out of 4 people have contacted me in the past 3 weeks... It seems to me that sorry only seems to be the hardest word when it means the most.

Is it possible that this NOT a coincidence? That this means something more?

Putting Out Pays Out?

You all remember "that girl" in high school. The town bicycle. The modern miracle that is the girl who cares less about what all the other girls think, and proceeds to get it on with whomever she pleases, often times putting herself, to put it very mildly, in several compromising positions.

I'm sure we've all wondered from time to time, what happened to "that girl"? Did she:

a) end up contracting some horrible STD (or several) like everyone always suggested she would

b) decide to repent for her years as a harlot by becoming a nun, or

c) marry young, rich, and fabulous.

Despite all temptation to choose answer (a), take a look around you and try to see where that girl ended up. 9 times out of 10, the answer is (c).

How is it that the girls with the worst reputations often end up marrying really well with apparently no problem while so many of us, who careful trodded the straight and narrow, are still single?

Does the guy:

a) not know about her past

b) not care about her past, or

c) like the idea of being the one that tamed the shrew?

I have to say, that with the way people talk, I think option (a) is out of the question. That leaves us (b) and (c). And I'm leaning towards (c). It takes a very special man to disregard the kinds of rumors I'm talking about and make a woman his wife. Which leaves (c). He chose her, because she was the town bicycle.

It still remains a mystery to me why these guys tend to be so "on paper" desirable...

If putting out pays out, perhaps "us girls" should give "that girl" a break?

Relationship Tofu

I wish I could take credit for this concept, but sadly someone from Gawker.com beat me to it...

The post is about Deanna Pappas, this season's Bachelorette on ABC. She is down to choosing between two men:

"Pappas explained the difficult-to-grasp concept of having to choose between "two totally different people. You got one guy on one hand, and another guy on another hand, and I'm two totally different people with each guy." This suggests that Pappas is the relationship equivalent of tofu, her spongy personality absorbing the flavors of any man with which she comes in contact."

And so was born the concept of being "human tofu." We've all experienced how being with different partners can bring out different qualities in us... but, there is a great danger in allowing each man you are with to define who you are, what you want, and how you live.

I think that "human tofu syndrome" afflicts those who lack a strong sense of identity. Just like unflavored tofu, until you dig deep and decide who you are, you might think you are pretty bland and malleable. The truth is - we all have preferences. We are all distinctive people. And at the end of the day, you should be the one choosing what flavor you want to be - rather than merely absorbing the qualities and preferences of the one you happen to be with.

Because we all know, unlike real tofu, which I'm certain revels in its endless potential as the chameleon of the food world, being relationship tofu can be draining and lead to a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

No Man Land Rule: Flavor yourself (before someone else does)

What Tree Are We?

The BF and I were having a long discussion this past weekend, on our way down to San Diego, about basically everything under the sun.
One question that came up: What tree are you?
So, we selected trees for each other.

I said he is a Blue Fir:

And he said that I'm a Japanese Maple:

Match made in Tree Heaven.