As a little girl I dreamt of being Cinderella, Snow White maybe, swept off my feet with true blissful love and have the tall handsome man of my dream - strong, responsible, caretaker - come and take care of me so I can live happily ever after.
Then when I was 16 I started to date and one completely different boyfriend after another... and 10 years later I sit here pondering the meaning of marriage and what I want out of one...
I used to think just last year that the most important things to me in a husband were: someone who has emotional stability, ownership of his life and his destiny, financial stability... someone who is responsible and is always looking after me like I am his little girl and is taking care of me forever to make sure that I never have to endure any hardship in my life. Oh wait -- that's the reason I am single. That does not exist.
Now as I am steadily approaching the other side of 25 (which really means the beginning of heading towards 30), I realize it is my responsibility to take care of my own physical, mental, emotional and financial health. To think that I will win all of these things by marrying another human being is just negligent. He is going to be a human being - not some supernatural wonder that was going to come and save my ass. I was really setting myself up for a possible divorce.
As I slowly free myself from this unrealistic fantasy (and thank God for that)... I am beginning to feel out what I actually do want in another human being (emphasis on the human part). The twinkle in my which once only twinkled at a specific type of man [businessman, tall, brunette, handsome, powerful, caretaker, superficial, luxurious, who will sweep me out of my life and into gluttony, consumerism, travel and lots of indulgence] now only twinkles at a glimpse of a real connection with another human man. One who understands for himself his own existence, has a strong sense of his identity, athletic, eats well, doesn't over indulge in anything, doesn't seek luxury like it's the only thing in life that matters, NOT a republican, not religious, free spirited, loving, believes in a deep connection with a woman and didn't dream of marrying a trophy wife all his life, wants to be a good father to healthy children, wants to be there for his children in all aspects of their life as they grow up, creative, seeks out different types of friends, loves to travel to see the world - not to go and consume in one city after another, believes in humility more than pride, works to live - not lives to work, understands the value of money - but doesn't over do it.
Is this realistic? Or just another fantasy... I don't know yet. But it won't be too long till I find my answer...
Will we girls be pleasantly surprised and marry someone who was doesn't have anything in common with our evolutionary perfect husband or will we just end up with what we imagine we want for ourselves?
3 comments:
why do you want your husband to be superficial?
I think unrealistic, but possible to strive for all those qualities and hopefully end up with more of them than less!
I never wanted him to be superficial... but it always somehow came along with the other characteristics. usually superficial men, had those other qualities - it was a package.
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