The other day some friends and I were sitting down and reflecting on the Sex and the City Movie (which merits an entire post, in and of itself, but I digress). And we all took a moment to reflect on the fact that there is an unmistakably sad undertone regarding being alone and over forty as a woman. One friend, let's call him Guy, aptly pointed out that men-centric shows about men in their forties completely lack this undertone all together and single and forty is a recipe for fun if you are the male counterpart to either Carrie or Samantha. He also pointed out his rationale for the disparity:Guy: "Girls become women at 25. Boys become men at 30*."
*I personally think that at thirty men are still boys, but in an effort to remain true in my reporting... I didn't edit his comment*
His point being of course, that women are ready to settle down sooner, and hence to still be alone at forty means you've been ready and waiting to settle down for a looooooong time.
What I found so interesting about his comment is that it was the first time I heard someone, a young guy no less, discuss exactly when a girl becomes a woman. Of course we have all different technical stops on the timeline that may define this pi vital moment in a general sense, such as getting your period, or turning 18 or 21... but his comment really resonated.
I just finished my 25th year and you know what, I think he is right. I think I became a woman at 25. I think had a settled down before 25, I would have been in biiiig trouble. The way I think, the way I live, and the way I view my future have all completely changed in the last year.
The question is, if I became a woman at 25, and my boyfriend is now 28 (and thus technically still a boy), will our adulthood ever collide such that we will make it in the long run? Is the age gap just not big enough for us to be in sync in terms of planning for the future?
1 comment:
Jelly, great post! First off, I think that although we feel like women now at the age of 25... we aren't. I believe that each decade in our lives (both men and women) are significantly different both in the physical chemistry of our bodies to our minds and our emotions; some people feel the way you feel in regards to your statement that had you married someone 3 years ago you would have been in BIG trouble at the age of 33..
I believe that men and women become more 'manly' and 'womanly' at the same growth rate in all regards except one -- what I call the breadwinner factor. The belief that men become men at 30 is not because they aren't mature, emotionally capable of being in an adult reltionship, or physically capable. (I know you are thinking you know plenty of 28 year old guys who are immature, I an almost gaurantee they will stay that way for most of their life) It's because it takes that long (30) to become a viable option for someone seeking a breadwinner (which is most of society). And as for women, there isn't that expectation from society on us -- so at the age of 25 we can say we are ready for marriage.
I have a hunch that when we are 45 we will look back and say, think and feel the same way you do now at 25, that you are NOW a woman and before you were just a child who thought you were a woman.
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