Remember the song by Elton John... Sorry Seems to be Hardest Word. Well in the past 3 weeks, to be exact, sorry seems to be the easiest and most repetitive word.
It all started with an email from an x-boyfriend... a long email apologizing for all the f-cked up treatment I was given in our relationship... that was 7, almost 8 years ago! He said he was trying to rid himself of negative energy and wants to be my friend and is embarrassed that he is finally now maturing at such a late age and feels so bad for everything he did and bla bla bla bla. Wait, why do I care 7 YEARS LATER?
Then a few weeks later, another x contacted me, this time by phone. Although he didn't call directly to apologize for anything, our long over an hour conversation turned into an analysis of our relationship and how he wishes things would have worked out differently. It was actually great to speak to this most recent x, but nonetheless it got me thinking about why on earth my xes are contacting me and putting closure on chapters of my life that, for me, were already closed.
Or where they? Should I be weirded it out? Happy that I was an important enough person in their life for them to contact me? Worried that the universe is trying to send me a message that I am not picking up on? As the confusing emotions started rushing through my mind and body... the next morning after talking to my most recent x, I awake to a text message from my very first boyfriend: "Call me when you wake up."
Ring, ring...
So the first thing he says is, "I had a dream about you last night and it was so vivid. I wanted to share it with you." As he starts describing the awkward dream, which includes sexual activity... he stops in the middle and says the point is "it got me thinking about why I had this dream and I wanted to tell you that I have some unresolved emotions about our relationship [which was 10 years ago!], do you have any unresolved emotions?" No, I answer. He continues to explain to me that he wanted to apologize for the way he treated me in our relationship and that I deserved better and that he could have done things differently. I cut him off right away to say that I don't even remember and that there is no need to apologize and then he cuts me off and continues to say, "please allow me to express myself these are my feelings regardless of how you feel about the past. I need to tell you to clear it out my head."
Okay so, given that I have only had four relationships in my life so far... 3 out of 4 people have contacted me in the past 3 weeks... It seems to me that sorry only seems to be the hardest word when it means the most.
Is it possible that this NOT a coincidence? That this means something more?
4 comments:
"It seems to me that sorry only seems to be the hardest word when it means the most."
You hit the nail on the head.
They said sorry to you, not for you, but for themselves. They called to clear their own consciences and to get closure. That doesn't mean that it wasn't a nice gesture, and it certainly shows that they care about you, but it does explain why it was so "easy."
You left a lasting impact on these people. To have hurt you left a lasting impression on them. I'd say that's a pretty big compliment ;) And a well-deserved one!
I think things happen in cycles. It's a good thing, enjoy it.
I'm confused though, did they all apologize? Were they all seeking closure? Did the one that you were happy to hear from say how he wishes things could be different? Any chance of getting back together with any of these guys?
I'm sorry for all the questions. I'm going through something very similar with my x's too, and it's good to know someone out there is going through something similar.
Hi Anonymous,
Yes -- they all kinda apologized... the one I was happy to hear from did say he wishes things could be different. I don't know if he was interestd in getting back together or not. However, on my side there is no chance in ever getting back with any x's.
What exactly are you going throught?
*typo -- Through
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