Intersection

So, yesterday I celebrated my one year anniversary with Mr. Neighbor. You might be wondering then, why the picture of a random intersection in Beverly Hills? Well ladies, it turns out that this is more than an intersection in Beverly Hills... it is the intersection of relationships past and present in the life of Sexy Jelly.

When I first started dating Mr. Neighbor, I found out an interesting coincidence: he just happens to work literally across the street from where my ex works. Nice. Despite my anxiety every time I picked him up in the past year, we luckily never bumped into my ex, and my fears never came to fruition.

That is, until yesterday. My anniversary.

I get all dolled up in a minidress, put my top down (on my convertible, not on my person!) and drove to pick up Mr. Neighbor from work so that we could go out and celebrate. I was thrilled. I managed to (a) drive by my ex's building without seeing him outside having a smoke - which is what I was expecting - and (b) I found a primo spot right in front of my BF's building.

As luck would have it, (a) and (b) turned out to be less auspicious than I had imagined. As I'm waiting for my BF, who walks out of my BF's building?

None other than my ex.

Leaving the gym.

Which happens to be in my BF's building.

What are the chances? I was outside for a total of five whole minutes, and somehow, my ex has deveoped late onset gym-going (since he did NOT frequent that establishment when we dated) which placed him and I face to face at 7:40 last night.

And of course, right then, my BF (looking gorgeous) walks out to meet me.

And so, my past met my future. They shook hands. My ex congratulated us. We drove off.

Coincidence or sign? Why did my past and present collide precisely on the one year mark?

I can't help but think it is so that I can realize that at this intersection, I'm on precisely the right path... and that sometimes it takes comparing your sweaty past (poor guy was in his gym clothes) and your GQ current (the BF always looks dapper but yesterday was exceptional), face to face to realize just how far you have come.

Viva Beverly Hills.

Dare to Be Bold

Article Courtesy of Wikihow...

Begin, be bold and venture to be wise. -Horace

If you're shy, hesitant, or passive, you run the risk of leading a boring life marked by routine and unfulfilled goals. Most progress has been led by people who were bold--scientists, political servants, artists, and others who didn't wait for opportunities; they created opportunities. So if you want to be bold and unstoppable, here are some ways to kick start your momentum.

STEPS:

Pretend you're already bold.

If you were to switch places with somebody who is as bold as bold can be, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act. If you don't know anyone like that, think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Spend one hour a day or one day a week pretending to be them. When you do this, go somewhere that people don't know you and won't act surprised when you do things that are out of character. Go through the motions and see what happens--you might discover that amazing things happen when you're bold, and you might be convinced to carry this bold behavior into your everyday life.

Make the first move.

Whenever you're feeling hesitant--especially in your interactions with others--swallow your pride and make the first move. Ask your acquaintance if they'd like to go to the bar down the street for drinks after work. Tell the person you fancy that you've got two tickets to a concert and you'd like them to come with you. Give your significant other a big hug and apologize for that time you overreacted a few months ago. Smile and wink at the attractive cashier.

Do something unpredictable.

What could you do that would completely surprise the people who know you? Wear high heels? Skydive? Take a dance class? Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. You can start small, perhaps by wearing a color or style of clothing that you don't normally wear, or visiting a place you normally wouldn't visit. Eventually, you may get to the point where you entertain ideas that make other people's eyes widen when you mention them ("Are you serious? White water rafting?" or "You're kidding me. You want to buy that restaurant on 3rd Street?").

Ask for what you want.

Rather than wait to be recognized for your efforts, or expect someone to consider your needs, step right up to the plate and ask. Some people feel that asking for things is greedy, selfish, and rude--and it is, if you're asking for something you don't deserve. But if someone is witholding something that you've rightfully earned, they're the ones being greedy, selfish, and rude. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? They say no. Life goes on.

Ask for that promotion or pay raise you've been waiting (and working) for.
Ask for a discount. A little haggling can go a long way. The phrase "What can you do for me?" is an easy and powerful way to save money.
Ask to have your credit card's annual fee waived.
Ask a relative, friend, or even a complete stranger for help or advice.
Ask for clarification if you're not sure what is expected of you.

Take risks.

There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks...they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, is well aware of the risks, and has decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out. Think of an athlete who takes risks every day. Are they reckless? No. It's a measured risk. You might make a mistake; we all do. But inaction can be a mistake as well, one that leads to emptiness and regret. For many people, having taken risks and fallen flat on their faces was far more fulfilling than having done nothing at all.

Rediscover who you are.

Ultimately, boldness has to do with coming from your center, what you believe. It is not about what you do, it is about who you are. If you do not know who you are, you can never be truly bold. Start really appreciating your uniqueness. Discover what makes you different and then parade it around for all to see. Put flags on it, call attention to it and love yourself for it no matter what others think. That is the heart of boldness.

TIPS

Don't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you; it's about overcoming your fears and taking action.

Don't worry about rejection. Try to make your invitations to others occur as "without consequence," i.e., the opposite of an invitation from your mother to dinner. Conversely, when your invitation is declined, boldly accept it and leave the other person/people feeling okay with their choice.

While there's power in taking on something new, there's also a greater chance of failure because of your lack of experience. Embrace the failure; it's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. The opposite of success is sitting still.

The Evolution of the Perfect Husband

As a little girl I dreamt of being Cinderella, Snow White maybe, swept off my feet with true blissful love and have the tall handsome man of my dream - strong, responsible, caretaker - come and take care of me so I can live happily ever after.

Then when I was 16 I started to date and one completely different boyfriend after another... and 10 years later I sit here pondering the meaning of marriage and what I want out of one...

I used to think just last year that the most important things to me in a husband were: someone who has emotional stability, ownership of his life and his destiny, financial stability... someone who is responsible and is always looking after me like I am his little girl and is taking care of me forever to make sure that I never have to endure any hardship in my life. Oh wait -- that's the reason I am single. That does not exist.

Now as I am steadily approaching the other side of 25 (which really means the beginning of heading towards 30), I realize it is my responsibility to take care of my own physical, mental, emotional and financial health. To think that I will win all of these things by marrying another human being is just negligent. He is going to be a human being - not some supernatural wonder that was going to come and save my ass. I was really setting myself up for a possible divorce.

As I slowly free myself from this unrealistic fantasy (and thank God for that)... I am beginning to feel out what I actually do want in another human being (emphasis on the human part). The twinkle in my which once only twinkled at a specific type of man [businessman, tall, brunette, handsome, powerful, caretaker, superficial, luxurious, who will sweep me out of my life and into gluttony, consumerism, travel and lots of indulgence] now only twinkles at a glimpse of a real connection with another human man. One who understands for himself his own existence, has a strong sense of his identity, athletic, eats well, doesn't over indulge in anything, doesn't seek luxury like it's the only thing in life that matters, NOT a republican, not religious, free spirited, loving, believes in a deep connection with a woman and didn't dream of marrying a trophy wife all his life, wants to be a good father to healthy children, wants to be there for his children in all aspects of their life as they grow up, creative, seeks out different types of friends, loves to travel to see the world - not to go and consume in one city after another, believes in humility more than pride, works to live - not lives to work, understands the value of money - but doesn't over do it.

Is this realistic? Or just another fantasy... I don't know yet. But it won't be too long till I find my answer...

Will we girls be pleasantly surprised and marry someone who was doesn't have anything in common with our evolutionary perfect husband or will we just end up with what we imagine we want for ourselves?

Wonder (When I Became A) Woman?

The other day some friends and I were sitting down and reflecting on the Sex and the City Movie (which merits an entire post, in and of itself, but I digress). And we all took a moment to reflect on the fact that there is an unmistakably sad undertone regarding being alone and over forty as a woman. One friend, let's call him Guy, aptly pointed out that men-centric shows about men in their forties completely lack this undertone all together and single and forty is a recipe for fun if you are the male counterpart to either Carrie or Samantha. He also pointed out his rationale for the disparity:

Guy: "Girls become women at 25. Boys become men at 30*."

*I personally think that at thirty men are still boys, but in an effort to remain true in my reporting... I didn't edit his comment*

His point being of course, that women are ready to settle down sooner, and hence to still be alone at forty means you've been ready and waiting to settle down for a looooooong time.

What I found so interesting about his comment is that it was the first time I heard someone, a young guy no less, discuss exactly when a girl becomes a woman. Of course we have all different technical stops on the timeline that may define this pi vital moment in a general sense, such as getting your period, or turning 18 or 21... but his comment really resonated.

I just finished my 25th year and you know what, I think he is right. I think I became a woman at 25. I think had a settled down before 25, I would have been in biiiig trouble. The way I think, the way I live, and the way I view my future have all completely changed in the last year.

The question is, if I became a woman at 25, and my boyfriend is now 28 (and thus technically still a boy), will our adulthood ever collide such that we will make it in the long run? Is the age gap just not big enough for us to be in sync in terms of planning for the future?

The Purpose of Guy Friends...?

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?

Harry: Great, friends. It’s the best thing…You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can’t be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No, you don’t.

Sally: Yes, I do.

Harry: No, you don’t.

Sally: Yes, I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You’re saying I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I’m saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.

Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.

Remember the movie When Harry Met Sally... aww how cute were they, falling in love slowly and romantically... and .... by... default? Did Sally really love Harry, or did she just settle?

Well we know Harry and Sally eventually got together and lived happily ever after... but not all of us fantasize of ending up with our guy friend. In fact for us girls, the guy is probably our friend because we don't actually want to date them. So why do we keep them around? Is there actually a part of us that hopes we may eventually end up with them?

If the sex always gets in the way and all friendships with guys are doomed, why do we women still persist on having guy friends? What purpose do they serve us? The better question is, why do we even have guy friends that we engage in sex with? Why not just sex with a casual partner or sex with a boyfriend... why sex with a guy friend? Why make shit complicated?