Tonight, laying in bed with Mr. Neighbor, after the steamiest most passionate make out session ever, we lay tangled in each other, his hands cupping my face, our eyes closed, both on such a high.And I, my mind racing, my heart beating tempestously, managed to destroy the sweet silence by making a statement that included the word "dump." I kid you not.
Rather than enjoying the resulting silence, after sharing such an exhilirating experience, I said the first thing that came to my post-orgasmic braindead state. Dump. Oh my god. I was mortified.
What is it about that level of intimacy that is so hard to embrace? Why could I embrace him physically and yet not emotionally succumb to the moment we were sharing? Why couldn't I just listen to Depeche Mode's wise words and "enjoy the silence" rather than destroying it?
The lyrics, just in case some aren't familiar with this brilliant and highly relevant song:
"Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can't you understand
Oh my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only harm"
3 comments:
I actually suffer from the same problem...I blame it on my orthodox jewish schooling...subconcsiously i feel guilty about engaging in any form of sexual activity...therefore, i try to ruin it so that i won't feel the guilt that overcomes me...very sad...but very true.(Formely known as Serial Monogamist)
In response to hidden prophet - I think I feel judged which probably stems from guilt, although I never thought of it that way... I desperately want him to say something to reassure me that what we did was ok. And when he doesn't say anything, I can't handle the silence. Thanks for your post - it helped me realize something new!
Glad it helped!
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