Everything with Mr. Neighbor is going great. We see each other 3-4 times a week, he's affectionate, we have fun, blah blah blah.
Here is my issue (since by the tone of this post so far, I'm sure you've all realized there is one): Mr. Neighbor NEVER calls me. He will text, he will e-mail, but he just doesn't call. In fact, there are days where I don't even talk to him. Case in point: Yesterday.
Yesterday was my first day of school... The day started off well enough, since Mr. Neighbor text me, "Have a great first day darling!" We also sent a few emails back and forth during the day, mostly notifying each other about upcoming events.
But as the night approached (and passed) the lines of communication between us apparently went down. My phone didn't ring once. And unfortunately, I wasn't surprised. Mr. Neighbor doesn't like to make small talk on the phone. I know that. But can I live with that?
Now I know, some men just aren't phone people, but honestly, I've never had a boyfriend before that I couldn't count on calling me everyday to at least see how I'm doing.
The question is, when your man doesn't call you, do you call him out on it, or just accept things the way they are?
[I need help with this asap - please post your comments]
9 comments:
You should mention something. It's all about communication!
If something is bothering you, then tell him.
You might be afraid that he'll say you're complaining but if it's true love, he won't mind.
Don't be afraid!
very delicate this one...you can send him a text saying "call me when you have a chance" that is always an option,
and then say "oh, I just wanted to hear your voice since we don't talk as much as we should" or something...
Just be textbook passive-aggressive about it.
my question is when does he find out about the blog!!!
that can never happen.
I have to disagree with the second poster. I don't think you should ever say that you man "should" be doing something, (as in "this is how often we should be talking"). there is no set norm in relationships, everyone is different so there is no should. My BF told me at the begining of our relationship that he hates talking on the phone, (problem because I'm a phone person). I was sweet about it and just said, "ok noted". So I called him and made the convos short but a little longer each time. Basically i gradually conditioned him to be ok with the phone and pretty soon he started to be the one who calls me, (and has hour long conversations). In fact, he was recently on vacation and asked me to call him while he was away. I called him once....he called me every day. Bottom line: if you want your man to do something never make him feel like he has to....make him think he wants to.
Uhm poster #4 -- who are you and do you have classes? I have heard many stories of wives conditioning their husbands to act or do things without every saying anything about it... but honestly I don't know how. Please let's chat... no joke... my email is: samirafar@gmail.com (unless you want to stay anonymous... in that case, tell me via the blog) So in this scenario (phone convos). Let's say I was a phone person & my boyfriend wasn't. Everytime my emotions expected him to call, they would get annoyed, sad, depressed, irritated and slowly I would begin to get agitated and have negative feelings towards him because deep down inside I have this expectation of a ring (even though I logically understand that he's just not like that). How do you put those feelings aside and then start being pro-active and like you said calling him every day little by little?? Wouldn't you one day wake up and feel like WHAT THE FUCK -- why can't i just be with someone who does things the way I like and treats me the way I want to be treated? So tell me, HOW do you DO IT?
sounds like you need patience..or you find a new guy who loves talking on the phone.. it's all about compromise and figuring out what you are willing to do and not do for that person.
EntrePeanutButter: I know that your emotions and feeling get hurt when expectations are unfulfilled, (not getting phone calls), but I have found through numerous relationships that you just have to be patient and have a thick skin to really get what you want. It's important to start "conditioning" your man from the begining. For instance: right when my bf told me he doesn't like to talk on the phone, i started my little plan. I called him a few days later, and the periods between calls got shorter and shorter. Meanwhile my replies to his other channels of communications, (IM, text, etc), got less and less frequent. I was also very upfrong in telling him that i DO like to talk on the phone and am not a fan of text, email, etc. Eventually I started to decrease the phone calls but because he was so used to talking to me, (and knew he wouldn't get to communicate with me in other ways), he started calling me. If the guy really likes you he should want to talk to you. WARNING: if after a while of being together your man doesn't call you, you have to consider whether he really wants to talk to you. THis can be a very harsh realization.
You just have to keep in mind that if this is the right guy he will come to a middle ground with you eventually. So if your expectations are unfulfilled a few times, just deal with it, (pick your battles.....and plans of attack stratigically) but if it happens on every issue that's important to you...then maybe he's not the guy for you. Hope this helps a little. If you want to talk further, you can email me at spellingchallenged@gmail.com
Poster 4 - you're giving some great solid advice. I usually never agree with passive aggressive methodology, but somehow your method takes the aggressive out and makes the passive part a sort of sneeky active party (do you follow me?).
And to SJ - whatever you do DO NOT - and I cannot stress this enough - DO NOT bottle this up. Either you decide to speak up or start applying some sneaky-active-strategy, (let's call it SAS).
That's basically all the advice I have to give.
Let us know what you decide and what the outcome is asap!
This blog is getting more and more enticing...
*little error at the beginning of my post - I meant part - not party***
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