Yesterday was my last day of work at the law firm I've been working for this summer.... And coincidentally, it was the new attorney's first day. Young, handsome enough, and wearing a really nice Hugo Boss suit, he peaked my attention, but being that I'm lost in boyfriendland, I didn't give him too much thought...
After work, we all went out for drinks to celebrate my last day, and he and I, let's call him Attorney Italiano got into a pretty lengthy conversation. Turns out we have a lot in common - a love of music, literature and the arts, not to mention the law, and Italy.
Last night, when I was with the boyfriend, I get the following e-mail, with the subject line "Ciao Cara" from il Attorney Italiano:
"I really enjoyed meeting and speaking with you today. And despite the inherent awkwardness and brevity of this e-mail, I would really like to take you out at least once before you to go Mexico. Let me know what you think."
And of course I've declined, because that is the right and only thing to do.... but, my question is:
When you're in a relationship, how do you give off the vibe to other men that clearly says no vacancy? Did I somehow inadvertently send out the message that I am open for business?
9 comments:
I find that men are more attracted to women who are already in relationships. Could it be partly because those women are more casual, not trying so hard to impress/flirt/etc? Probably. When it rains it pours.
Did you tell him you had a boyfriend within 5 minutes of talking to him?
Because if you didn't, then you do not belong in a relationship, particularly because you ended up talking to this guy for how long??
If you did tell him and this douche sends you an email about how he would "like to take you out" even though he knows you have a boyfriend (this is how my ex-girl ended up cheating on me) you must, must never respond or talk to this sleaze ball again...because if you were to go out with him, that would crush neighbor...Are we that kind of people??
And by the way, his first day of work and he is already out drinking and hitting on co-workers (even though you were leaving), how desperate is he!! LAME!
(wish we had a dialogue here)
i don't think you should run around left and right telling every new guy you meet that you have a boyfriend.
too much trouble, where a tag instead.
I hope to god that second poster was joking. Please DO NOT go around telling every new person you meet that you have a boyfriend. I feel sorry for this guy's girlfriend. She probably has a tattoo on her that says "Bob's property" and I'm sure a muzzle or something so she doesn't talk to men. good god!
To answer some questions and give some context...
I definitely didn't tell him that I had a boyfriend in the first five minutes because honestly it was a casual half hour conversation and relationships didn't come up... Also, there were other attorneys that were present, and we definitely weren't alone getting drunk...
I did think it was kind of unprofesional of him to ask me out, especially since it is possible that I might be working there in the future. I really like my neighbor, and would never go out with this guy... I don't believe in going on dates when you already have a boyfriend ;)
In any case, I wrote him back letting him know that I enjoyed meeting him as well, but I'm in a relationship.
I tend to agree with the first post... when you're not trying, men somehow become more attracted to you.
I think maybe it would have been a good idea if I had thrown the word boyfriend out casually, such as, "my boyfriend and I went to this concert" etc. just to give him warning...?
What do we think about the nonchalant boyfriend reference as a warning mechanism?
i think the way you handled it was totally fine... don't let other comments phase you.
we could all learn a thing or two from the confidence you acquire once you know you're with someone.
Okay people, let's be honest:
1. When you are in a relationship you GLOW. When you GLOW, you say: I'm happy, I'm sexy and I'm fun to be with. WHO could resist that?
2. Even if Mr. Italiano knew you were N/A ----> HE'S ITALIAN. Most European men go for it anyway, they don't think its as disrespectful as Americans do.
Bottom line --> it's okay that he hit on you. As long as you don't respond. :)
2nd poster here...
Call me lame...but whenever I am in a conversation with a gal (although never one I work with) and we are getting along well I always through some not too subtle line like...
"so what does your boyfriend think about that" or
"back when I was dating this gal, she would say" something to move the conversation in that direction,
understand about the professional conversation...and what the other posters are saying...
maybe got a little too excited here, just looking out for neighbor guy as you two are just getting started...but there really is nothing he can do about it, it is up to you.
obvisouly when a gal is happy in life is shows that is why you have to shut these vultures down quick!!
Good luck!
You did not send signals to him. It's just that he is ITALIAN. He probably did not even care if you had a boyfriend. In Italy, flirting is a harmless CUSTOM. It's not to be taken seriously.
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