Mr. Frown?

So last night, Mr. Smile and I were supposed to go wine tasting. Or so I thought.

On Monday, he invited me to go, and so I rearranged my plans to be available for him. On Wednesday, when I still hadn’t heard from him about the plans, I got in touch with him to see what the plans were, and his response was, “You know, I don’t really think it is a good idea. It is really far and the drive will be murder.” Now, in my mind, I thought, ok, so we’re not going wine tasting, maybe he’ll take me to dinner (since he has yet to take me to dinner).

But no, Mr. Smile continues by saying, so I’m going to go play basketball and then it is my friends birthday party…. Blah blah blah. As he trailed off, I began thinking, what the eff just happened? How did he so nonchalantly just cancel our plans?

In all fairness, he did suggest making plans tonight instead, after dinner which I think is ridiculous, and also on Sunday, when I’m busy, but still, I was bothered that he cancelled on me without any sort of apology or anything. In truth, he kind of did the same thing on Monday. We had made plans for Monday a few days in advance, but when Monday rolled around, he said, “I don’t know, I might be tired.” We did end up going, but I didn’t like the feeling it gave me to have to wait around and see how he “felt” when we had made the plans a few days earlier.

The part that confuses me is that throughout the day, he sent me a million text messages saying, “please meet me at the party” (where he was going to be) and then, when I didn’t show to the party, saying that he was “L” and had been hoping to see me. In other words, he was being totally attentive and sweet (which unfortunately for me was too little too late).

So the question is, which speak louder, actions or texts?

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
- Virginia Woolf (1882 - 1941)

Transformations

So, tonight Mr. Neighbor took me to the Transformers movie premiere... For those of you who aren't familiar (and God knows I really wasn't)... going to this premiere is a pretty big deal. The movie itself was good, although Mr. Neighbor's company was better. We had another great night together, just like last night. Good conversations, lots of laughing, and just a generally great rapport with one another.

At the end of the night, Mr. Neighbor (who literally lives two doors down) parked us in his drive way and walked me home. As we were walking, I kind of held his hand for a moment to test the waters, and let's just say, the waters were dead calm. As we said good night, he gave me a quick hug, and that was that.

Or so I thought.

When I got up to my room, I text him "thank you for tonight" and he replied, "want to take a walk?"

So, I went back downstairs and when I reached him, he leaned in and kissed me. He told me that as he walked back to his place, he kicked himself the whole way for not having the guts to make a move. So we ended up taking a walk, and joking around, and kissing on the street.

He told me that hanging out with me last night was the best date he's had since he moved to LA a year and a half ago. He also mentioned that I'm wonderful. And you know, he made me feel wonderful - both aesthetically and intellectually.

All in all, he was so incredibly adorable as he expressed his feelings about me. I don't even know what to say... except that this is exciting, and I'm not going to feel too guilty about Mr. Smile just yet...

Who knows, maybe Mr. Neighbor will transform into more than just someone to run to for a cup of sugar ;)

It's A Wonderful Day In the Neighborhood

So, last October, when I was still with my ex, I met my extremely hot neighbor. He wanted to hang out and be "neighborly" but since I was in a relationship, I never followed up... Ever since my ex and I broke up, I've been kicking myself for not calling him...

Luckily for me, he has impeccable timing. Two weeks ago, he left a note on my car with his number, and last night, we went out to drinks.

He is very cute, creative, intelligent, and fun... We had great conversation, which was of a completely different calibre than my conversations with Mr. Smile. Wheras with Mr. Smile we are totally affectionate and lovey, with the Neighbor, we just engaged in really interesting, witty, conversation.

Which means that for the first time ever, I am officially dating two people... My question is, how long can you carry on dating two people before you have to let one go? I've only been on one date the Neighbor, and I'm already feeling:

a) guilty (bc of Mr. Smile) and

b) confused.

When it's raining men, at what point do you need get out of the storm and instead cuddle up by a fireplace with just one?

Seven Days

So, a number of musicians have attempted to approach the type of week I just had by putting lyrics together and singing a song to express themselves. A few examples:

Mary J. Blige: Seven Days

Monday, a friend of mine
Tuesday, we played a game

Wednesday, you went away

Thursday, things werent the same

On friday, you came back

I wanted to kiss you

On saturday

On sunday we made love

Now what are we gonna do

The Cure: Friday I'm In Love

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday i'm in love

So, you're probably wondering the relevance of all this... I've seen Mr. Smile every day since Friday. On Saturday night, we were at the same party and spent the whole night together. On Sunday, he brought all his friends to the Hollywood Bowl since I was going to be there. We slow danced. It was uber romantic. And last night, he took me to a hole in the wall blues club - which I loved. He appreciates music as much as I do, which is something I've never had in a relationship...

This only goes to show how far being "open" will get you... Who knows where this will end up, but for now, if the next few weeks are anything like the last, it is going to be the best summer ever.

Happy Hour

So, Friday lunch I'm sitting at lunch with my co-worker and the topic of conversation was, you guessed it, Mr. Smile. The night before, while I was at the Boyz II Men concert, I had text Mr. Smile, "I'll miss you tonight." And he texted me back... well actually he didn't text me back. The entire night, and throughout the next morning, I had anxiety. Remember my text analysis post? The last time I sent a nice text to a boy I had just met, our entire dynamic changed (for the worse). Anyways, when I told my co-worker, a man by the way, that I had text him, "I'll miss you" he gave me the "oh no" face.

I'm sure all of you have encountered the "oh no" face. It is the face people give you when you've done something they think is stupid, but yet they don't have the heart to make you feel bad about it. Despite the obvious "oh no" face, he told me, hey, don't worry, he's probably just busy, etc. etc. In any case, my anxiety was rising.

But, Mr. Smile never fails to come in on cue. Just as I was reaching the pinnacle of regret for my too nice text, he called me, on my lunch break, and asked to meet me for happy hour. He drove all the way down to my office, and took me out to a great little hotel for drinks. We talked for over two hours, and when we walked to my car, we shared our first official kiss.

Nothing like a sex kitten (pureed rasberries, lemon juice, cranberry juice and vodka) and some sexy kisses to end the week off properly.

Ladies, it was perfect. Sweet and romantic and passionate all at once - the perfect kiss cocktail if you will.

Happy hour indeed.

Words Of Wisdom From The Original Diva

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. - Miss Piggy

Man II Husband?

Last night at the Boyz II Men concert, we encountered ALL kinds of people. You had the couples (obviously), you had the single men (which the group aptly pointed out were ONLY their to pick up women), you had the young, the old, and of course, the ladies. Young women clearly outnumbered everyone else. These girls were singing, dancing, and some even crying (I kid you not) for the Boyz (two of whom have turned into some somewhat hefty men, I might add).

There was one group in particular, though, that specifically caught me eye. I was standing right by the stage, on the edge of a staircase. Now, anytime anyone tried to stand on the actual stairs, the guards would kindly ask them to leave ("it is a fire hazard... sorry ladies") and everyone would comply. That was until the JAP mafia arrived about half way through the show. They took over the stairs, and didn't take move for an answer. They screamed, they yelled, they took pictures (totally illegal btw - I myself got yelled at for this one - although they didn't), they pushed, they shoved, the angled themselves as close to the stage as possible, and I even heard one tell the other, "I told you we would get a good spot".

I looked at them and thought, my god, these girls are so annoying, and pushy, and aggressive. They must be like, 20, tops. And then I looked at their ring fingers. Each and every one of them had a sparkly, oversized, bling blingin' engagement ring, rivalled only by the ostentatious jewelry worn on stage by Boyz II Men themselves.

And that's when I had a thought: Is that why I'm single? Did these pushy, aggressive, loud, obnoxious girls, steamroll me in my quest to find a man I can marry... the same way that they nearly pushed me out of my prime viewing location at the concert?

When push comes to shove, is being aggressive the way to turn a Man II Husband?

I Went On A Blind Date And All I Got Was A Skinned Knee

Well darlings, I never thought I'd identify with this song, but, it is in fact raining men. Last night I went on a blind date with bachelor number 2: The Dentist. I got set up with The Dentist by an acquaintance, who happens to be his cousin. The past week, we've played phone tag and had a few coy conversations, and last night we had our first official date. Now there is nothing objectively wrong with Mr. Dentist: he is good looking enough, is successful (has his own dental practice), is educated, appreciates contemporary art, and had good taste in restaurants. However, I felt absolutely ZERO chemistry. No spark, no butterflies, no nothing.

In any case, after dinner, we decided to take a walk. As we are walking down Abbott Kinney, admiring the great stores and talking about our vacation preferences, distracted by a ruffly men's shirt (I kid you NOT), I tripped in a pot hole and tumbled to the floor. YES. TUMBLED. Even though I, in his words, "bounced back up like a rubber ball" I was in pain. My wrist hurt. My knee was bleeding all over my Diane Von Furstenburg dress and my pride was left behind in the pot hole. I don't remember the last time I actually hurt myself. I felt like I was 9 again after falling off my bike.

And although he tried to make me feel better, by recounting a story about the time he fell flat on his face and twisted his ankle, I didn't sense that he really cared all that much. He didn't take my hand to rub it (even though I was rubbing my own wrist for about 20 minutes) nor did he run into the restaurant to get me a band aid. We got back in the car, shared a few more jokes, at my expense, and that was that.

I don't think I'll be seeing him again. However, this was a very valuable lesson in that it made me realize even more the spark I had with Mr. Smile...

Two dates in one week = very good basis for comparison ;)

And by the way, in response to my post about the Boyz II Men concert, Mr. Smile called me on Tuesday and I invited him. Unfortunately, he has a biz meeting and can't make it so I'm going with a girlfriend... I did however take the plunge and extend the invitation!

Starbucks Wisdom

So, today I got my usual "it's 3 pm and I might (will!) fall asleep at work" precautionary cup of coffee (short mocha with extra moca and soy milk, just in case you're wondering :) from Starbucks. If you've noticed, Starbucks now puts some very insightful quotes on their cups. Kind of like a caffeine filled fortune cookie, if you will. Well, today they gave me two cups, one inside the other, each of which had a very relevant quote:

Cup one: The outside cup, which was visible said: "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you end up getting less than you settled for" by Maureen Dowd, a feminist. Great point to remember when dating.

Cup two: The hidden cup, made an equally important observation: "Lips are the gateway to romance" a quote from Michael Buble, a musician.

I think these two quotes, especially together, make a very essential point: You shouldn't settle. Be with the person that fulfills all your objective requirements. But, also, don't discount the value of chemistry and passion. In other words - we deserve it ALL.

Who knew a caffiene fix could be so inspiring?

Taking the Reigns?

So, last night I realized that I have two tickets to see Boyz II Men this Thursday night. Let's imagine the scenario: House of Blues, romantic music (think "On Bended Knee"), and alcohol. Who would be the prime candidate to invite along. Here are my options:

1) A girlfriend

2) My brother

3) A man.

For those of you who answered option 3, you win. The problem is, the only man I have in my life right now is Mr. Smile, whom I've only known for about a week. Even though we had a fantastic date on Monday, I'm hesitant to be the first one to call, and beyond that I'm hesitant to invite him to a romantic concert.

Are we supposed to play games, or not? Is it too soon to take the reigns and plan a date myself?

Please advise.

Success!

Last night I went out with Mr. Smile. And you know, I caught myself smiling the ENTIRE night. He was a gentleman, good-natured, thoughtful, funny, engaging, complimentary, and romantic. After going out for drinks, we went to this bar that plays live music on Sunday nights. We cuddled for two hours. The amazing thing was, we were so comfortable with each other. We sat there in silence together and were both completely content. He remembered everything I had said the entire night, referenced my comments and preferences, and even chided me from time to time in the cutest way.

At the end of the night, he played me this gorgeous song by Semisonic. He couldn't wait to get in the car and play it for me. Once it started, I could see why. The words say, "Nobody knows it, but she's got a secret smile, and she shows it, only to me."

He basically played the song as an homage to me! If you remember, my smile is how he originally picked up on me.

All and all, He was a great date. And I, my friends, am officially "open" for business.

Is it all for love?

You meet a man, he's great. He has a lot of things you want + things you didn't know you wanted.

But when you go through your 'checklist' of what is an ideal marriage, you aren't sure if he fulfills all your criteria. (but then again you never really know if he will or not, until you are faced with the scenario. i.e. you may think someone might be a good father, but then they might become one and do things totally conflicting with your expectations).

There are so many things that go into a good partnership. How do you know if 'he' is the right one or not? Do you fall in love because someone meets the criteria, or do you fall in love and then check to see if they meet the criteria. How do you know if you are 'in love'? Is it a feeling? More importantly, is it a feeling that can be re-created by someone else, possibly someone who may be a 'better' match?

Is falling in love a choice?

Please advise.

Date Night

So, after my last post, I decided it is time to open up to Mr. Smile. All the childish critiques I had come up with were just that - childish critiques. Perhaps the fear of being vulnerable, after the last few dating debacles I've had, stopped me from giving Mr. Smile a true chance - but - all that has changed. I'm ready to take the plunge.

Mr. Smile and I are having our first official date on Sunday night.

In honor of "date night," here is an article that lists 100 great date night ideas. http://www.redbookmag.com/601230. It is a ridiculously cheesy article, and definitely not geared to metropolitan jet setters, but it is amusing to say the least. A few of my favorites:

12. Gooey, sexy, delicious: Get a fondue pot and have a feast. Add a French movie and French-kiss all night.

18. Enjoy a rousing game of Twister.

38. Drive out to a country field, lie down and snuggle under the stars. (Definitely not an option in LA - where is this article's target audience located!)

54. Give each other haircuts. (Ha!)

So, in honor of my impending date, any dating tips or suggestions for jelly?

Girl Meets Boy. Boy Calls Girl. Girl happy?

At exactly five p.m. on Monday afternoon, as I was sitting at my desk figuring out how to make the next hour and a half of work magically float away, my cell phone lit up with a number I didn't recognize. Just one minute earlier, I had sent my girlfriend a message saying, "I hope he calls me today." Well, Mr. Smile must have picked up on my energy because call he did. Not only that, he gushed about how happy he was to have met me Saturday night, and what a good time he had, etc. He was exactly what I've been looking for, right?

Ladies, I'm so confused. Before he called, all I could do was think about him. On Sunday, I relieved our entire night, thinking about how sexy his raspy voice was, how interesting it was that he likes to take photographs, how much he liked music. And yet, the entire time we were on the phone, I found a million little reason to pick him apart. He doesn't own his own business. He lives too far South. His laugh kind of sucks. A good looking, intelligent, and kind man is calling me, just like I've been hoping for, and after one phone conversation all I can do is tally up his flaws.

When opportunity comes a knocking, why is it that we sometimes find ourselves locking the door?

The Perfect Pick Up.... And Exit

Last night represented the official start of the summer: I went to my first concert at the Hollywood Bowl for the summer season of 2007. Last year, the girls and I started going to summer concerts at the Hollywood Bowl. For those of you that aren't from Los Angeles, the Hollywood Bowl is this amazing outdoor venue. During the summer, we get cheap seats, cheap wine, and enjoy amazing shows. Last night, we saw John Mayer.

If you haven't seen John Mayer in concert, he is a must! Apart from his somewhat orgasmic facial expressions, he is an engaging performer with an incredible voice. And what he does with that guitar only leaves you wondering what else he can do with those magic hangs. But, I digress.

After the show, my girlfriend and I went to a birthday party at the Viceroy. As we were doing a

lap to scope out the scene, this guy stops me as I'm walking by him and says, "I like your smile." How cute, right? This was at the beginning of our lap and I decided to say thank you and keep walking. One minute later I realized that the Viceroy really isn't that big, and perhaps I shouldn't have breezed by Mr. "I like your smile" so quickly. Luckily for me, he didn't forget about me either. Mr. Smile (as we will call him for now) Is tall enough, handsome, and has this really sexy almost raspy voice. We spent the rest of the night getting to know each other, and it turns out we have a lot of common interests... with one in particular, seeing each other again!

At the end of the night, I gave him my number, and we said goodbye. About ten minutes later, he runs back up to me and goes, "I just wanted to make sure: your number is XXX-XXXX, right?"

A great pick up line and a great exit line. This one sounds promising!

A Postsecret Secret...

Getting Pampered In NY

Due to popular demand, here is some more dish on our trip to NY. Well, Monday night, after clubbing Friday and Saturday nights, and being treated to dinner by my NY "boyfriend" on Sunday night (hey, we made out two nights in a row - and he bought me dinner.... he was definitely my boyfriend!) we decided that it was time to do something a bit more relaxing. We decided to stay in, chill out, and recoup from our busy day of shopping. Peanut came up with the brilliant idea of going to a spa. Problem was, it was already 11:00 pm. Well ladies, in NY this isn't a problem after all.

We decided to call our NY friends and see whether or not there was a "night spa" we could go to. The first place we called seemed promising until the receptionist informed us that the spa was for "men only" and "couples." Interesting. Let's just say that the spa's slogan should have been, "we don't stop until you pop."

Luckily, the next place we tried was like winning the lottery. We found the ultimate Korean night spa: Juvenex in Manhattan. Clean, and offering a wide array of services, we went to the spa and got showered, steamed, sauna-ed, scrubbed, and massaged. The scrub was a must ladies. You strip down (completely) and get scrubbed from head to toe in areas you never thought existed.

And for those of you that do manage to escape No Man Land, they have special couples packages.

Although we may not have gotten the "happy ending" some other night spas might offer, Juvenex definitely did the trick. For the ladies in NY, definitely give this place a try: http://www.juvenexspa.com/.

I'm trying to scout out an equivalent in LA. I'll keep you girls posted.

Craving a Contact High

So, since Saturday night I have run into my ex a total of three times. I am not kidding. I saw him at a bar Saturday night, and twice this past week having lunch on the street I work on.

Last night, I also bumped into his uncle, his uncle's wife, and their children.

When I was in NY a few weeks ago, I even bumped into my ex's mother on Fifth Avenue in front of H&M.

What is the universe trying to tell me?

To make matters worse, I keep bumping into him at a time when I am, in the words of Ed Ruscha's painting, "Gasping For Contact."

Well ladies, in that since I started this blog I've committed myself to an exclusively "glass half full" approach to these situations, I believe that the universe is trying to show me that even when I am at my loneliest of lonely, and feeling as though I am in complete solitude, I would still chose not to be with my ex. And that, my darlings, is progress.

Learning to Love Yourself: Vaginas in Mythology, Art, and History

Here are some snippits from a great article I discovered about the glory of the vagina. Yes. The glory. The image today is a painting by one of the most succesful female artists ever, Georgia O'Keefe. She painted flowers... that kind of actually are depictions of vaginas.

If you want to see the article in full, please visit: http://www.widdershins.org/vol11iss1/11.htm.

"Common nicknames for menstruation and women's genitals [in American culture] are anything but flattering. Yet in many other cultures, there are depictions of women's genitals in powerful legends and pervasive art. Since women give birth, their genitals were the focal point of mystic awe and religious wonder for many generations and cultures on earth throughout history. It has been speculated that original religions were matrifocal for this reason, and that patriarchal religions such as Christianity purposely supplanted female godheads with male ones for political power purposes."

"Vulva goddesses exist in history, such as Baubo. Her name means belly, as in belly laughter. She is a fun goddess, known for her bawdy sexual, even obscene, jokes. Her head is her torso, and her chin is her genital mound; thus she is a bearded woman. In legend, Baubo lifted her skirt, making "wise cracks," until Demeter began laughing, then roaring with laughter, and her own power, again. It can be hard to imagine empowering sexual jokes since most of the sexual jokes in our culture, unfortunately, are debasing, especially to women. But Baubo is an image to help overcome ruts we have may have found ourselves in."

"Other cultures have vulva goddesses. American Christian culture offers a virgin who has an immaculate conception, which is basically birth with the sex removed! Contemporary American artists, such as Judy Chicago and Georgia O'Keefe, have tried to liberate the stiff male control of vulvas in America, and have been met with intense protest and controversy. The success of The Vagina Monologues is a good sign, yet it too is considered far more controversial than Playboy. People need better imagery around women's genitals than America provides.

Women's genitals should not be reduced to mere porn or Tampax commercials. We can do better. Let's raise a generation without the slug and tuna fish jokes, with respect for women's monthly cycles, rather than shrouding them in disgust, filth, shame, and controlling religious dogma."

Last night I ran into my ex. He looked in my eyes and told me in so many words that he is still in love with me. I've never been so sad. Sad that I don't feel the same way. Despite all the love we shared, he just wasn't the one. And so, here I remain in No Man Land.

And I've been feeling it lately. Feeling that creeping cynicism that nonchalantly waltzes in and tauntingly whispers, "You're alone and might be left waiting to meet someone for a LONG TIME."

But you know in the end, we're all waiting for something. Even when you have a pseudo-perfect boyfriend, like my ex, there are still those imperfections that leave you feeling alone, unsatisfied, unfulfilled.

So the challenge I guess is: can I find the strength to not let my happiness depend on having a man? Is LMS merely a symptom of my lack of self-reliance?

The Older Man Problem... Revisited

So ever since my birthday, I've been keeping in touch with "Old Tommy." I've posted about him before. He is a GREAT guy with one catch: He is almost fifteen years my senior. So, I know I've asked the "How old is too old" question before, and he definitely falls into that category numerically, but part of me is still completely curious. What if he is the one for me? I'm sure you've all heard the expression, love is blind. The question is, should it be?

We

My new man, lets call him Mister, says: "By the way baby, we are invited to a party next Saturday night." We!

Is this when you know, he definitely likes you?